The Roast of Charlie Sheen

I watched Charlie Sheen get roasted last night and enjoyed it. I seldom pay attention to celebrities, but I often do enjoy these roasts. Besides, this one had William Shatner on it and he is one celebrity I do occasionally pay attention to. Besides Shatner and Sheen himself, there was John Lovitz, who I believe was in the movie--The Wedding Singer. There was Mike Tyson, who I know from boxing. And there was Seth MacFarland, who I understand is the creator of Family Guy. Slash played guitar and I recognized him. I really had no idea who the rest of the people were, although I’ve seen some of them on roasts before.

As was to be expected, the roasters poked fun at Charlie Sheen’s drug use, his fights with ex-wives, and his use and abuse of hookers. They made a lot of jokes about his apparent recent meltdown, which I had only heard vaguely about. I didn’t get any of those jokes, but many of the others were funny. Many of the roasters also made fun of the other roasters, and I often find those jokes the funniest of all during these events. Mike Tyson appeared to be intoxicated and was actually quite funny.

Interestingly to me, the jokes at these events are generally extremely mean-spirited. Sheen, for example, was ‘taunted’ about having lost his daughters because of his bad behavior. (I winced a bit at that.) I generally dislike mean-spirited humor, but for some reason it seems OK on these roasts. I guess it’s because I can actually see the person being skewered on the screen, and they are laughing themselves at what’s just been said about them.

The funniest joke of the night, from my perspective, involved William Shatner. Sheen was doing his spiel at the end and said he’d wanted Shatner to be there because he needed some clean urine. He added, “I had to wring it out of the diaper but it was still good.” (Shatner is 80 years old.) I laughed pretty hard about that one.

So, do you watch these roasts? Do you even know who these people are? And does the mean-spirited nature of the jokes ever bother you?

BY THE WAY, my post about "Fantasy by Definition" is up over at Rogue Blades Entertainment at the moment. I've joined that august group and will be posting relatively regularly there as time goes on. So check it out if you get a chance.
----
----

The Legacy of Lee

A week ago now, Tropical Storm Lee swept through our area. We "weathered" the storm quite nicely. We had quite a bit of rain but only localized flooding that didn't cause Lana and I any trouble. The wind was largely nothing to worry about and we didn't even lose electrical power during the storm. Afterward, in fact, we thanked Lee for bringing in some much needed cooler weather, which at first allowed Lana and I to get outside a bit more.

Then Lee's children arrived, courtesy of all the standing water he left behind, and I am no longer considering the storm a weak villain in the story of my life. On Friday evening as I arrived home, I stepped out of my car into a swarm of mosquitoes that resembled the swallows returning to Capistrano. If those swallows were blood-sucking predators, that is. I made a break for the house through the cloud and managed to get inside and get the door barred before I was down more than a pint or so of A-.

Lana and I then hunted down and killed the few six legged vampires who had managed to breach our barriers. An hour or so later, we heard the mosquito truck come by spraying its load of mosquito death, and I must admit to feeling a small bit of pride at how my fellow humans were striking back at the evil. Under my breath, I began to chant, just subtly, "Human Race, Human Race."

Alas, while our front yard remains a relatively mosquito barren landscape, our back yard--to borrow a line from the movie Starship Troopers--"crawls." The weather is nice but there is no sitting on the deck. Not if one values the fine red fluid that flows in one's veins.

Unfortunately, I have to venture out each morning into that no man's land to feed the birds. It takes barely a few minutes but the hordes are waiting. I am covered with bites, quite a few of which appear to be bites made upon previous bites. And they itch...really...really ...bad. I'm considering buying myself a Hazmat suit. If I knew where to find one.

Ahh Lee. We thought you were a weak sister. But you've brought me low. I bow before your dread power. I surrender my back yard to your minions. I will call you forever, "Father of Mosquitoes."

Have mercy!
----
----

The Poor Hearing Approach to Good Stories

I remember reading a piece by Harlan Ellison once about how a story idea and a title came to him. If I remember correctly, he was on a plane and overheard two women talking about their kids. One woman asked the other about her son, Jeffy. Ellison heard the woman answer: “Oh, Jeffy is five. He’s always five.” Now, Ellison was pretty sure the woman actually said “fine,” but that’s not what he heard, and out of that mishearing a story was born. That story was called “Jeffty is Five” and is quite a good one.

A week or so ago I posted a poem here called “Harmland.” That title, too, came from mishearing something. I was listening to a song, not sure by who, when I heard the singer use the word “Harmland.” I was almost immediately sure he said “heartland,” but that’s not what I heard. The title instantly resonated with me and the poem came only a short time later. The emotion of the poem had been inside me for a while but the title helped coalesce it into something real.

Yesterday I was listening to “Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress” by the Hollies. I like this song very much but never have figured out quite what the lyrics are. I know I could look them up online, but what’s the fun in that. Instead, I enjoy trying to puzzle them out, and I enjoy the weird associations that come to me from mishearing certain phrases. For example, I’m pretty sure there’s “a machine ahold of my right hand” somewhere in that song. And there’s a story in there somewhere that one of these days I’ll write.

While listening to that song yesterday, for the thousandth time, a perfect title for a noir crime story also came to me: “Long Dead Woman in a Black Dress.” I’ve got to write this one, and I’ve got a pretty good idea how it’s going to work.

So, if you’re looking for titles or story ideas, I suggest you mishear a few things. What say you?
----
----

For Want of a Zipper

For want of a zipper, writing time was lost.

One day last week I woke up half an hour early. That meant I got to work half an hour early. After dealing with emails from, 1) a student who needed a form signed but couldn’t meet any of my office hours, 2) a student explaining why she hadn’t turned in the essay due Thursday, 3) a student explaining that she’d lost her ID and therefore couldn’t swipe into class on Wednesday but was nevertheless present and could I let the university know, 4) a graduate student from another university who wanted me to find a research file for her because her advisor, who also had the file in her office, wasn’t available at just that moment, 5) a faculty member who really likes to talk on the phone, and 6) some emails that I actually ‘needed’ to deal with, I realized I had almost 35 minutes free before my first class.

I had prepared my class notes the night before so 30 of that 35 minutes suddenly became writing time. I called up a story on my computer that I’ve been working on but made the mistake of needing to go the bathroom first. In the bathroom, my zipper broke. And hell followed with it.

I spent a minute or two trying to fix my zipper in the bathroom, with no luck, so I untucked my shirt and casually sauntered back to my office, whereupon I closed my door and frantically stripped off my pants to work on the zipper. That availed me nothing. Zippers are a technological marvel, but when they break down it becomes a job for an expert. (Much like a computer or a modern automobile.) I lack the appropriate training for any of those jobs.

I put my pants back on and sauntered up to the secretary’s desk, inquiring if she had any safety pins. (A search of my own desk had proven fruitless. I had plenty of paper clips but didn’t think they were my solution to this particular Kobayashi Maru.) Fortunately, our secretary had two safety pins, a King Kong sized one and a hobbit sized one. I thanked her for them and sauntered back to my office, where I closed the door and frantically began trying to use the two pins to close the gap in my pants. They did the trick…partially. But both pins were bright silver and gleamed like the corona of the sun. I considered adding staples at that point but I don’t really like waving weapons around anywhere below my belly button.

Although I don’t have extra pants at my office, I did happen to have an extra shirt that was on the large side. I put it on, leaving it untucked, and attempted to verify for myself whether or not my newly armored and shiny crotch would be visible to my students. (Did I mention that 80 percent of my students are female?) A colleague whose office is next to mine had arrived by now and I considered asking for a double check. However, she is also female, and though we are friends I did not see it turning out well if I asked her to check my crotch area to make sure she couldn’t see the safety pins under my billowy shirt tail.

Fortunately, a few offices away sat a male colleague. Making sure that he was alone, I entered his office and indicated to him that I had a rather huge favor to ask of him. And by huge I just mean large, of course. Or well, medium. I explained my predicament and asked, as delicately as I could, if he might visually scan the affected area to see if I were going to get fired for pulling a Jim Morrison on a bunch of undergraduates. His eyes appeared to flicker lower for the barest of bare fractions of an instant and back up. He said that he didn’t think I had anything to worry about as long as I didn’t “reach up” while writing on the board. I thanked him and fled, wondering if we would ever speak again, and knowingwe’d never discuss…the incident.

Returning to my office, I realized that I had approximately 1 minute of the lovely 30 minute writing time left. I checked email instead. For want of a zipper, writing time was lost. That’s my morning excuse and I’m sticking to it.

As for my classes that morning? I stayed very still behind the lectern the entire time, except for when I turned my back fully to the students in order to reach up and write on the board. As the old timers say, “praise the lord and pass the safety pins.”
----
----

Earning Your Endings at Novel Spaces

I'm over at Novel Spaces for a couple of days with a post about story endings. I hope you'll drop by.
-----
-----

Too Many Stories; Too Little Time

Since finishing Under the Ember Star in July I haven’t done a lot of writing. I took a couple of weeks off, and then school started and I’ve been pretty well swamped. But I’m starting to get the itch again, badly. I’m ready to get started but the question is what to start on. There are so many stories I want to tell, so many characters crowding my head.

In psychology, we have the concept of the “approach-approach” conflict, which is the conflict that occurs when you want two things but can only choose one. Writing is like that for me. It’s why I start so many things but typically end up finishing only a few. Right now I’m working on a story called “Harvest of War” for an anthology. I’ve completed the rough draft and am handling the polishing now. That one will be finished because someone has already asked me for it. But that one is not calling for full-time effort at this point so which other project do I pick up? I have a lot of choices.

Wraith of Talera: Two years ago I started the fourth book in the Talera series. I’m about a third of the way done with it and I have a very good idea what is going to happen through the rest. This one will be complete in and of itself but will also be part of a duology. I want to tell this story. My mind is urging me in that direction. But....

The Razored Land: One year ago I started this post-apocalyptic novel. It will be told in two parts and the first part, roughly the first half, is finished. I really like the idea behind this work and I think the topic is quite timely. Not only do I want to write it but I think it might be a little trendy even. But....

"Down Home": A few weeks back I put up a blog post with some potential first lines to stories. One of those ignited my imagination and I began the piece. It’s going to be a departure from most of the writing I’ve done in the past ten years in that it’ll be more literary and realistic. I think it’s going to be an interesting challenge and I love challenging myself. But....

Where It Wanders: About five years ago I started a horror novel and wrote probably the first one-fifth of it. It’s going to be a more complicated book than "Wraith" or "Razored Land," but I really like the characters, especially the two primary villains, and I am enjoying the twists and turns. I think this one would particularly appeal to those readers who liked Cold in the Light. I recently reread the stuff I have and thought it was very good. But....

In the Time of the Gun: I’ve been reading a lot of westerns in the past few years, returning to one of my first loves in fiction. I put together Killing Trail and it has been well received. I wrote two brand new stories for that collection and man did I enjoy them. I really want to write another western, a full-length one, and I already have a character that I find fascinating. If I could get it done I’d probably put it up on Kindle and Nook to try and follow up on the success of Killing Trail. But.....

The Darwin Book: I’m over three-quarters of the way done with this one and I’m currently doing a lot of background reading that I need to do to complete it. That reading should be done within four to five months and then I could make a final push. But....

There’s “The Morphy Machine,” “Farhaven,” a collection of essays on Robert E. Howard, a compendium of fantasy words, etc, etc.

I guess this is mostly a good problem to have. At the pace I manage, there’s years of solid writing right there. I don’t have to worry about running out of ideas for the next decade or so. On the other hand, having too many ideas can lead to a crisis of decision making, at least for me. As in the classical approach-approach conflict, when I commit to one project I’m putting all the others once more on the back burner. And that back burner is getting crowded. Something will almost certainly get lost in the shuffle, as with “Farhaven,” a kid’s novella I started about ten years ago, and “The Morphy Machine,” an SF chess story I started about 25 years ago.

I don’t suppose I’m asking for ‘which’ project to pick. I’ll eventually make that decision. But I wonder what others do in an approach-approach conflict. How do you decide? What “breaks” the tie for you? In writing, or elsewhere in life?
----
----

Razored Zen Interview: Kent Westmoreland

My latest guest on Razored Zen Author Interview is Kent Westmoreland. Kent is the first author I’ve interviewed who lives in my geographical area. He resides in New Orleans now, though originally he hails from a farm. Like me. His was in North Carolina, mine in Arkansas. As Kent says, he eventually “stumbled into New Orleans and never made it out.” We’ve met a number of times. I first got to know Kent when he and I were in a writer’s group together. We met at a local bar called Cooter Brown’s. That’s about all I can tell you. Perhaps that’s enough.

Most recently, I attended a talk and a signing by Kent for his book BARONNE STREET, a detective novel in the grand tradition. It’s available in both trade paperback and Kindle. I read it, enjoyed it, and reviewed it on Amazon here. Without further ado, here’s Kent. (RZ represents Razored Zen and I’m sure you can figure out what KW stands for.)

(Photo Credit: O'Neil De Noux)

RZ: Tell us a little about yourself outside of writing. Hometown. Family. Job. That sort of thing.

KW: I don’t think I have been to Cooter Brown’s since the writers group stopped meeting. We exchanged some good ideas during those elbow bending sessions.
My personal story is not exciting. My parents were generous and loving; I have no sad stories of being tortured and abused. However, I made their lives a living hell.

The stork dropped me in rural North Carolina on a farm with cows and chickens; a situation I never really cottoned to (a nod to my native vernacular). But the location came with my parents and a pretty cool older brother, so there are no complaints.

After high school I moved to Charlotte and spent a few years drink and stupid before eventually attending college to become a software developer.

A few years after college I wound up in New Orleans as a stopping point on my way to south Florida. I never made it to south Florida

My day job is project manager for a company that provides banking software and technology services. My wife, Leslie, is CPA. We live in uptown New Orleans with three cats.

RZ: What made you want to write? Is it a desire that’s always been with you? Or was there some particular event or book that ignited the fire? Is there something about growing up on a farm that makes one want to write?

KW: Before I started to school I would dictate stories to my grandmother. I don’t know if she actually transcribed them or made a grocery list as I rambled about Civil War battles. The stories most likely had no plot, characterization, or point.
In second grade I started writing stories that were what you might expect from a seven year old -super heroic fantasies featuring me.

In junior high and high school, I wrote a number of short stories that were mostly period pieces: westerns, civil war, post-civil war. One story was set at the Woodstock music festival. I did write a an alternative history novella with the same premise, but different storyline, as the movie Red Dawn. It was quite dreadful as I recall.

After high school I put writing on the back burner. I wanted to focus on a financially rewarding career, a health plan and a 401K. My life has always been a left brain/right brain struggle with the left brain usually dominating. A few years ago I knew it was time to start writing again. The result was BARONNE STREET.

RZ: Writers always get asked about their influences. Consider this that question.

KW: In BARONNE STREET my goal was to tweak the traditional detective novel format. I started with the format pioneered by Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett. To give the novel a more post-modern attitude I studied The Horse Latitudes by Robert Ferrigno. To create an atmosphere of decadence and ennui, I listened to the music of early and mid-period Roxy Music while writing the novel.

Burleigh Drummond, the protagonist, has a self-aware, sardonic voice I borrowed from the narrator of the Kurt Vonnegut pastiche Venus on the Half-Shell which was written by Phillip Jose Farmer. Drummond shares DNA with James West from the TV series The Wild, Wild West. What I always loved about James West is wherever he went people said: “There’s James West, secret agent for the Secret Service”. It was so absurd. But I realized this would happen to Drummond since he operates in small, insular New Orleans, a city with only three degrees of separation instead of six. So I worked that concept into the novel and the stories. Drummond seldom engages anyone who doesn’t know him or know of him.

RZ: Kent, much of your fiction, BARONNE STREET included, is set in the New Orleans area. What is it about this area that attracts you as a writer?

KW: Initially I had planned to base the Burleigh Drummond series in Palm Beach, but Lawrence Sanders had beaten me to that locale with his fine Archie McNally series. In retrospect Palm Beach would have been the wrong choice. Palm Beach is less of a city and more of a winter vacation community for the ultra-wealthy; they only stay for “The Season”. And then there is all that beautiful sunshine, white sand, and crystal-blue ocean. Burleigh Drummond needed to operate in a dark city with darker secrets.

Then I wandered into New Orleans. A city filled with secret societies whose members don masks once a year and toss trinkets to the masses. The bluebloods make backroom deals to restrain new business and influence politicians. The politicians bleed every dime from the city coffers and do nothing for the city. Then the bluebloods and politicians dance together at formal balls while the city decays. New Orleans was the perfect location for Burleigh Drummond to set up shop

RZ: Writing can be hard work. What motivates you to keep going? What inspires you?

KW: Writing is hard work. That left brain/right brain struggle keeps me from producing more. The second Drummond novel is abandoned. I admire writers like you who not only produce a lot of stories, but are prolific in subject matter.

RZ: What are you working on currently? And what’s next for you?

KW: I am working on a spec screenplay which will be marketed to production companies that make straight-to-video and TV movies. I think that avenue is less of a long shot to sell than a novel and more lucrative. That’s the left brain winning again.

RZ: What work is available from you right now, and where can readers find it? Is there a place online where folks could go to learn more about you and your work?

KW: In addition to BARONNE STREET, I currently have two short stories in Kindle format on Amazon.com. Ash Wednesday and Price Tag Attached. Both feature Burleigh Drummond.

Ash Wednesday is a re-telling of Cinderella with Drummond in the fairy godmother role. The Kindle edition has two versions of the story. The first version originally appeared in the anthology Erotic New Orleans and reads like a vintage Penthouse Forum letter. The second is safe to use as bedtime story and was published in Thrilling Detective magazine. An Amazon reviewer said the Kindle package is a good example of “how the same story can be written so differently”.

Price Tag Attached is collaboration with O’Neil De Noux. Drummond assists New Orleans homicide detective Jodie Kintyre in solving the murder of a French Quarter antiques dealer. Jodie is a character from O’Neil’s Dino La Stanza series. Since the La Stanza series exists in the 1980’s and Drummond is set in modern times I guess we have to term this work an alternative history mystery. The story was originally published in Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine.

My web site is www.KentWestmoreland.com. That's here. If anyone wants to contact me directly my email address is Kent@KentWestmoreland.com.

RZ: Kent, thanks for visiting Razored Zen.

KW: Charles, thanks for inviting me. We need to go back to Cooter Brown’s. In addition to your company I miss the dark German beer and the pastrami sandwiches.
-----
-----

A Poem

Charles A. Gramlich


HARMLAND


Some will hate you,
because you helped them when they were down
and they can’t stand to have needed help.


Some will hate you,
because they are jealous of your success
even though they haven’t worked for their own,

because you have family and friends
and they’ve driven all of theirs away,

because you own things they don’t
and they won’t bust their ass like you did to get them,

because in your smile there are no knives
and you give to others while they take.


Some will hate you,
because you are Jewish, or Muslim, or Christian,
or none of the above,

because you are black or white, male or female,
gay or straight,

because you carry more weight than they think you should
or are thin enough for them to call you vain.


Some will hate you,
because they are bitter and unhappy,
angry at a world their own faults have turned against them,
because they demand respect but give none themselves,
because their own mouths are full of lies
and they think yours is too.


And when such people hate you,
know that hate is all they have.
-----
-----

Razored Zen Interview: Chris La Tray

I think it’s time to run another author interview. My guest today is Chris La Tray. I first became aware of Chris’s work on Beat to a Pulp, with his story entitled “The Pickle”. Later, we exchanged blog visits, and then I got to meet Chris in real life when his job brought him to the New Orleans area for a visit. We ate some Italian food and had a few Italian beers. Then we had some American beers. There are plenty of geographical (beer) areas to explore yet on his next visit. Without further ado, here’s Chris. (RZ represents Razored Zen and I’m sure you can figure out what CLT stands for.)

RZ: Tell us a little about yourself outside of writing. Home town. Family. Job. That sort of thing.

CLT: I live in Missoula, MT. I was born and raised in the area, but have lived in other places (Pacific Northwest, Ohio) for enough years to know this is pretty much where I want to be. The University of Montana is here, so culturally we are kind of a little oasis in the midst of what is a pretty conservative state. I like that from my ass at my desk here, I could literally be on a trail in about 20 minutes where I'd be as likely to see a bear or mountain lion as I would another person.

As for family, I share the house with my 18yo son and my wife, Julia, who is a clothing designer operating under the name DonkeyGirl Designs (shameless plug, buy her stuff!). Both of them are wildly creative and keep me inspired with the things they do. We also have two cats and four dogs here -- three of which are Jack Russells. Those little bastards keep me on my toes too. In fact, I'm downstairs writing this with the music loud so I can't hear any mayhem they may be up to elsewhere in the house.

RZ: What made you want to write? Is it a desire that’s always been with you? Or was there some particular event or book that ignited the fire?

CLT: I grew up living kind of in the middle of nowhere and didn't have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with other kids when I wasn't in school. As a result, I read a lot, and that led to writing stories. I have this little blank book I received for the "Reading Award" when I graduated from 8th grade, and it has an inscription from my teacher that says something like "A little something to help you on your way to writing your first fantasy novel!"

When I got into high school I started playing in rock bands. That became my primary passion, but I always thought that writing a book would be something fun to do on the side (while on the tour bus, you know). When I realized that rock stardom probably wasn't going to find me (we arrived in Seattle in the late 80s/early 90s packing spandex instead of flannel), the rock band sort of went on the back burner, though I do still play in one. I wrote two fantasy novels back in the early 90s, then stopped for a few years. Started writing again, mostly record reviews and interviews and things, which led to some freelance stuff for the local weekly, and then I started writing fiction again after taking a couple local workshops. So I would stay it has been a path I've been staggering along since I was pretty young, really, with occasional diversions. Seems to be going pretty steady now, though.

RZ: Writers always get asked about their influences. Consider this that question.

CLT: I was into fantasy as a kid. Conan, the Lord of the Rings, stuff like that. When I started playing Dungeons and Dragons as a junior high punk, I used the "suggested reading" list in the First Edition Dungeon Masters Guide as gospel. As I've gotten older, the stuff I read and the writers I admire have become so varied that this could go on for pages and pages. What I like best, and what I try to create with my own writing, is the kind of stuff that reads quickly and tells a compelling story. I can forgive writing that could use some tightening up much more readily than something that is working magic with language but isn't saying shit to me.

RZ: Chris, you write both fiction and nonfiction. Do you have a preference between the two? Do you find one easier than the other? Is there any common thread between your fiction and nonfiction?

CLT: I love fiction, and I could go on and on with ideas of stuff I'd like to write, or stuff I've read that I had a great time with. But in the last ten years or so the stuff that really wows me the most, and inspires, and makes me say, "Damn, I wish I'd done that!" is all in nonfiction. Writers going out and learning about something and writing about it, having adventures, telling stories that are factual revelations. People like David Quammen, John Vaillant, Susan Casey . . . these are narrative nonfiction writers that have blown me away not just with their writing but with the adventures that drove them. I would LOVE to do that kind of thing.

As for a common thread, that sense of adventure is probably it. It goes back to stories of Conan or Tarzan exploring lost ruins, or Doug Chadwick chasing wolverines in Glacier National Park. I find it utterly thrilling, utterly compelling.

The majority of my nonfiction writing has been related to music, and I burned out on it. I got tired of finding descriptions and trying to find new ways to describe bands when it came to articles, record reviews, etc. I finally stopped doing it just because my heart wasn't in it. I would write a 200 word music review and get paid $15 for it. When I decided to stop, I was irritated that most bands, rather than send press kits with CDs and things, would send links to downloads. I didn't want to put in the time to find it, wade through all the MySpace bullshit (because that is where the majority of the links were directed), download it, and burn a CD, because I would do the bulk of my listening in my truck which would only play CDs. For $15 I didn't think it was worth my time.

Honestly? Big mistake. When I consider the thousands and thousands of words of fiction I've written for zero, zilch, no money, that irritation over a "measly" $15 is pretty stupid. I could sure use the extra $45 - $75 a month I was getting for the reviews, not to mention the occasional feature article that might net me $60 or $80. It also taught me economy of words, because 200 words isn't much to work with, especially related to something I liked. Or 800 words, for that matter. Trying to write an article about the Melvins, a band who has been around a long time, while also including quotes from Buzz Osbourne -- who is one of the most entertaining interviews ever -- is a real challenge with only 800 words to play with. I probably learned more from the discipline than I realized, not to mention the process of working with editors, deadlines, etc.

What am I saying? The nonfiction stuff I was doing was much easier in a lot of ways, paid better, (i.e. at all) was excellent practice, but was also irritating and mildly soul-sucking. But I was an idiot for dropping a gig that paid pretty regularly.

RZ: Writing can be hard work. What motivates you to keep going? What inspires you?

CLT: I think watching my wife work so hard with her clothing design inspires and motivates me more than anything else, just to keep at it. It certainly isn't the money, nor is it the idea that I have something huge and important to say that hasn't already been said, better, many times before. It really is hard friggin' work, and I'd be lying if I said I don't struggle with that. Not the work so much as just the turnaround. It sucks to write a story, submit it, then wait weeks and weeks or months and months to hear anything at all about it, for better or worse. If one hears anything at all, mind you. I haven't submitted a novel yet, and I'm already gnashing my teeth over that. I've been writing songs and performing them for most of my life, and the turnaround there is way faster. I could write a song tonight, go to rehearsal tomorrow and be playing it as a band in a matter of minutes. Then unleashing it live shortly thereafter and getting some feedback. The wait when it comes to that kind of sharing with writing is the hardest part for me. But I keep doing it, and try not to bitch about it too much because there are so many of us in the same leaky boat. I realize that ePublishing and stuff can alleviate some of that, but I'm not thrilled to join the throng screaming, "Buy my stuff!" over and over again. Right now there are at least three collections out I'd like to pick up, and at least that many I already have but haven't read yet. It all gets pretty overwhelming, because I feel that if I don't buy and support other people's work, then what right do I have to ask them to support me?

But what can I say? I do it anyway. At some point, though, as the day gig becomes less and less capable of making the ends meet, I may need to find something different to spend this much time on that actually includes the occasional check. But I'm not to that point yet. And who knows, there might be spare minutes here and there while delivering pizzas, or standing on a street corner with a belly shirt and that spandex on I mentioned earlier, to jot down the occasional pulpy paragraph or two anyway.

RZ: What are you working on currently? And what’s next for you?

CLT: I'm juggling two novel projects and have a couple short story ideas I'm kicking around. I'm really trying to focus most of my energy on the novels, because I want to get them complete and submitted so I can be pissed off about that part of the process for a while, muttering the names of agents and editors into a growing pile of beer bottles, stuff like that. As for what's next, I have a story coming out at Beat to a Pulp at some point that I collaborated on with Grainger/Cranmer where I "cover" his Cash Laramie/Gideon Miles characters, adding in one of my own, but I'm not sure when that will show up, if ever. David is doing so well with his own work on those characters there's no real reason to publish it; I'd ride that wave too if I were him! Then I have a story coming out in a future issue of Needle; the Winter one, I think. Finally, I have a story coming out in the inaugural issue of Pulp Modern; I think that comes out before the year ends, but I'm not sure. Honestly, once something gets accepted, I don't really care when it comes about because by the time it does I know I will have a) forgotten what it's about, and b) will likely hate it when I re-read it. I'm just grateful to editors who actually respond to a submission at all, let alone say they will publish it. That tickles me to no end. Those people are the ones who are doing the thankless work, that's for damn sure.

My current band is in the process of recording our first album too, that should be wrapped up hopefully in October sometime. I wrote all the lyrics for that thing (except, now that I think about it, one song), and they're absolutely awful. But I love every damn word.

RZ: What work is available from you right now, and where can readers find it? Is there a place online where folks could go to learn more about you and your work?

CLT: My website, which is just a fancy word for "blog", is the best place. There is a page there with links to stuff that can be found online, both stories as well as some of the other articles I've written. As for the blog itself, it is probably a perfect example of what a writer shouldn't do, because it's totally all over the place, and is hardly ever about writing. One day I might review a movie, another day I might have pictures from a kickball game, and then another day I might have a picture of a pile of bear shit I came across out in the woods. But it's definitely a snapshot into my day to day life, and if it seems like I'm a jackass as a result, then it's probably because I pretty much am.

Chris, thanks for visiting Razored Zen.

And thanks for having me, Charles!

Heroic Fantasy and Myth Making

Heroic fantasy is a literature of myth making. It's not about telling things the way they are, or even about how they were or might have been. It's about telling, or at least hinting at, the deepest truths and mysteries of human existence. It's about ancient days when human consciousness was first arising and we as a race were becoming something more, and less, than animal. In those days the gods and demons and all manner of supernatural beings were real--at least to the people of those times--more real than they can ever be to the majority of modern humans.

Despite what one of its practitioners once wrote, Heroic Fantasy is not about a world undreamed of. In symbols at least, we have all dreamed of it. I consider thinkers like Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung to be more philosophers than scientists. If you want to understand psychology as a "science" then you might as well ignore them both, as well as many others of the same mindset. But, if you enjoy speculating about the origins of human consciousness and the ways in which those origins influence modern literary traditions (which is not scientific psychology), then both Freud and Jung (particularly Jung) can be useful.

For both Freud and Jung, human prehistory was a time when the seeds of later myths, and of many later truths, were being planted. I believe they are right (though not for the reasons they are often thought of as right). And I believe that one thing that separates great Heroic Fantasy from lesser work in the field is the degree to which a tale taps into the substratum of myth, and the degree to which it evokes the “depth” of prehistorical time in which those myths were arising. (All this assumes, of course, that the writer has the storytelling skills to hold the reader's attention long enough to evoke his or her sense of myth and of time’s vastness.)

Robert E. Howard is perhaps the best illustration of what I'm talking about. Howard tapped into almost pure myth when he created the worlds of Kull and Conan, and when he modified historical ages to provide an arena for the adventures of Bran Mak Morn, Cormac Mac Art, and Solomon Kane. There is an underlying coherence to Howard's fantasy worlds. His mysteries are shrouded in the web of ages but when one reads of his green-walled ruins and his leftover denizens from elder races one feels the living power behind his craftings. One feels as if there is something more there behind the stories, something that is real, or should have been real. It’s much the same feeling one gets when swimming and something powerful passes by just under the surface.
-----
-----

I'm Adaptable at Novel Spaces

I've got a post up over at Novel Spaces today on "Adaptability." Stop by if you get the chance. I'd appreciate it.
-----
-----

A Question

I'd like to get your opinions on something. When I first published Killing Trail, I set the price at $2.99. The price seemed both reasonable to me, and it allowed me to get the 70% royalties from Amazon for each copy. However, I've since seen other, roughly equivalent, books published at 99 cents. I've been wondering whether I should drop my price to 99 cents. I've not made a decision on it and I'd like to gather some information first. So, given that Killing Trail has now been out for a little more than a year, here are my questions.

1. Would dropping the price upset folks who paid $2.99 for it, or would it be more likely seen as a natural discounting process for a book that has been out a while?

2. How do readers view it when an author drops the price on a book ‘temporarily’ as a promotional offer. I know some writers start out with a lower price for a week or two and then go up, but in my case I was thinking about dropping the price to 99 cents for say a month. What are your thoughts on that.

I tell you, the business end of writing gives me fits. I neither want to be seen as a money grubbing author, nor do I want to sell myself short. I probably spend as much or more time agonizing over this kind of thing as I do a plot twist. The latter is much more fun, though.

-----
-----

Back To School, and To The Stars

Well, school is back in session. We had registration on Thursday and Friday. Classes start on Monday . I’ve got a pretty good schedule this year and I’m ready. My class numbers are pretty large so it’ll be a busy grading year. As usual once school starts, I won’t be blogging quite as much or able to visit blogs as regularly. The last couple of blog posts were prescheduled.

A bit of good writing news. To The Stars and Beyond: The Second Borgo Press Book of Science Fiction Stories is out and up on Amazon. Why is it good writing news for me? Because it contains my story, “I Can Spend You,” which is one of my favorites among my own stories. There are also stories by Jacqueline Lichtenberg and Richard Lupoff, along with plenty of other writers. They’re really holding the prices down on this series to try and encourage readers. So far it is only available in print, but I think it’s going to be a kindle book as well. That’s what it says in the “Product Description.”

And now I’m off to make my blogging rounds.
-----
-----

In a Story…(Part Two)

In a story, things happen. And they don’t happen in a nice, predictable pattern. Telling a story isn’t like playing a game of chess. The writer doesn’t have to have the board all set up and the pieces all arranged just so before starting the story. In fact, messiness is desirable at the start. “In media res” is a piece of writing advice I like. It means, begin in the middle of the action. Another piece of advice I like about writing is, never tell the reader more than they need to know at that precise moment in time. In the perfect book, the reader always wants to know a little more than they do know. That’s why they turn the page.

Of course a book doesn’t have to start with a battle or an alien invasion. As long as something is happening, there’ll be readers who will follow you. What do you think of the following scenarios, for example.

1. “I’m pregnant, Don. And it’s not yours.”

2. I heard the car coming and looked up from weeding my flower garden. We didn’t get many visitors out here in the country. I never expected this one. The daughter I hadn’t seen in ten years got out of the car. She wasn’t alone.

3. I recognized the ring tone as I answered my cell.
“Hi, Granny,” I said, smiling.
“I’ve shot your grandfather,” she said. “I just thought you should know.”

I’m not saying these are beautifully written opening lines but at least something is going on in them. My thinking is that all three of these are essentially literary openings. The stories that developed from these would most likely be primarily about human relationships, either their development of their destruction. I might not actually want to read any of these stories, although #3 sounds the most interesting to me. I’m a genre junky. I don’t often read stories that are solely about relationships. For me, a writer needs something like:

1. She looked like she was about twelve years old until she pulled the gun on me.

2. The howling began around dark. I should have left the cabin then. But the sound was far away and I told myself it was only wolves. Besides, I was expecting friends to join me for a weekend in the woods.

By midnight my friends hadn’t arrived and the howling was closer. It was closer and all around the cabin. And it didn’t sound like wolves anymore.

3. The ship plunged through the atmosphere, burning as it went. Only a fragment hit the earth. But that fragment was alive.
------
------

Interview With Me Up at Kindle Author's Blog

We interrupt our scheduled Part Two of "In a Story" to mention that there's an interview with me up over at David Wisehart's Kindle Author's Blog. It just went up today so I wanted to link it. I hope you'll check it out if you get the chance. I'll put up the second half of "In A Story" on Thursday.

-----
-----

In a Story…(Part One)

In a story, things happen. They happen immediately, or at least PDQ. Things that have happened are frequently revealed in dialogue, or, often with less effectiveness, in summarized form in what is called an info dump. Talented writers, in certain types of stories, can have action happening in the dialogue itself, although it’s a rare story that can get along with dialogue alone.

The first line of this essay came in a fit of irritation as I was reading a book from a mainstream SF publisher. It came because this particular book did not illustrate the principle that ‘in a story, things happen.’ By thirty-five pages in, we’d had a dozen characters introduced and had “hints” that a major crisis was threatening earth. (I already knew from the back cover that we were looking at a first contact scenario.) We’d learned a few things about the characters, almost none of it very interesting. We’d also had a nine page conversation in a jeep with a flat tire in the rain, about nothing. Starting with page 35, we got a page and a half info dump about a specific character, including pretty much the character’s whole military service and the honors he’d received. That was it for me. I closed the book and uploaded it to bookmooch. I was irritated enough to vow never to read another of this author’s books again.

The worst thing, from my point of view, is that the first book I read by this author was absolutely wonderful. It was also an alien contact story, but the action began in the first paragraph as a research lab at a major university blew up and opened a gateway to another dimension. The action seldom slacked off after that, although a lot of characters were introduced as the book went on. I was so impressed that I immediately bought two more books by the author. The second one I read was written with a coauthor and was horribly slow with a lot of character description that ended up going nowhere. I blamed it on the co-writer so I still came to the current novel with high hopes. Dashed hopes, as it turned out. If this had been the first book I read by this author I would never have gotten to the one that was really good.

Things happen in a story. Or else it’s not a story. No matter how many characters a writer introduces, it’s not a story until things happen between those characters. No matter how much a writer hints at big things to come, it’s not a story until some of those things actually begin to occur. I think most writers have to learn this fact. I don’t believe it comes naturally for most of us. It didn’t for me, although I never took 35 pages to get to some big happening. Swords of Talera is my slowest starting book. There’s a five page introduction that reveals Ruenn Maclang’s character and sets up a mystery about Ruenn and where he’s been. Then comes Chapter 1, with three and half pages of rather mundane activity until the screams begin and the story is fully launched. Wings over Talera has a three page introduction with a battle happening by page 2 of the book itself. Witch of Talera has a two “paragraph” introduction and an assassination attempt on the first page.

Here’s my plea to writers. Make things happen. Make them happen quickly. I don’t want to put your book down any more than you want me to.
------
------

Mucho Reviews

We finally got internet access back late on Saturday so I’m trying to catch up on blogging. I won’t be able to get to every post I’ve missed but will get back to regular visiting tomorrow. Today’s post is going to be reviews of books I’ve read lately.

Mark C. Durfee: scent of the garden within
A jam packed collection of poetry, with nearly every inch filled with Mark Durfee's sometimes loving, sometimes bitter, but always accurate words about today's world. This is the third in a trilogy of poetical works, and is the largest in scale. Mark is one of our blogging buddies, of course. For more information, or to order a copy of this book, see Mark’s blog.

Gerald So: We Might Have: Poems
This is a collection of contemporary poems that I read for Kindle ebook. I'm not sure if it's available in other formats. I didn't intend to read this one so quickly. I just got it yesterday. But I read the first few while taking a break from TV and found them addictive. Most are short and pithy. But there's clearly a sound talent behind the words and a lot of feeling in them. I'm 52 now and these poems probably apply most strongly to younger individuals, in their teens and 20s perhaps, but I could easily put myself back in those days and recall when I felt just like this. Good stuff. Gerald blogs here.

Kevin David Anderson and Sam Stall: Night of the Living Trekkies
Since this is somewhat of a "gimmick" book, I was afraid it would be awful. But I love Star Trek so I decided to give it a try. It was actually very well done and I enjoyed it very much. I'm very pleased to have been wrong about it.

The key to this kind of thing is good writing and this certainly qualifies. And clearly the authors knew their subjects, both Star Trek and Zombies, and Star Wars to boot. Lots of nice touches, like using episode titles for the chapter titles, and having the dialogue at places reflect the shows.

Kudos to the authors.

Robert B. Parker: Resolution
I didn't think it was quite as good as Appaloosa or Brimstone but it was enjoyable and I feel comfortable giving it four stars.

Christopher Rowley: Heavy Metal Pulp: Pleasure Model: Netherworld #1
I reviewed this on Goodreads and gave it 2 stars and just said I didn’t much care for it. I’ll say a little more here. First the positives. It was a very quick and easy read. It’s heavily illustrated and the illustrations are pretty good. It was well edited and the writing was certainly professional. However, I personally found it fairly full of clichés. I also think the book didn’t quite know what it wanted to be. It sort of acted like it wanted to be an SF, hardcore porn version of a noir detective novel, but the sex was very limited. The SF aspects were not explained well enough for us to clearly see the world in which the story was set. And the noir detective part was certainly rather standard. There was a lot of graphic language but the story itself seemed fairly tame. It also didn’t really have a clear cut ending to the immediate story line, and I tend to dislike that. Even a series book should have a clear cut ending, I think.
-----
-----

Internet Non Connectivity

Our internet is down. Equipment failure. They have a service call in but we're not sure when they'll be coming by. I'm at the library for the moment with my laptop just to indicate here that I'll be largely off line until the problem is resolved. We live in the country so it's a 20+ minute drive to get to a place with wireless capability. I'll return to visiting everyone's blogs as soon as possible.
----
----

New Post up Over At Novel Spaces

I'm talking about summer's end over at Novel Spaces. Hope you can drop by.

------
------

Razored Zen Interview: Keith Gouveia

I’ve decided to do a few more interviews on my blog. These won’t be exclusive to writers, although that will probably make up the bulk of the posts. I don’t plan to make it a mainstay feature but I like learning about other folks and this will give me a way to do that. And maybe it will introduce those who visit here to some new writers or new blog pals.

My first guest is the writer Keith Gouveia. I met Keith in an online writing group called “The Parasitorium,” which was founded by my good friend Del Stone, Jr. Del went on to publish a collection of stories from group members in 2003. It was called The Parasitorium: Terrors Within. I had a story in the collection called “Thief of Eyes,” and Keith had one of his early stories published in that collection, a nasty little work called “Taper.” Without further ado, here’s Keith. (RZ represents Razored Zen and I’m sure you can figure out what KG stands for.)


RZ: Keith, tell us a little about yourself outside of writing. Home town. Family. Job. That sort of thing.

KG: I grew up in Fall River, Massachusetts and now live in Florida. I’m married to my lovely wife, Lisa, and I’m a mechanical engineer in my off hours.

RZ: What made you want to write? Is it a desire that’s always been with you? Or was there some particular event or book that ignited the fire?

KG: Telling stories has always been my favorite pastime. Unfortunately, in high school, I had a Literature teacher who berated me over my topic choice when it came to creative writing. He would often assign homework to write freely, I would chose a horror story as that was what I enjoyed reading the most outside of the Hardy Boys and Conan stories, and he would give me a C with a handwritten scribble “this trash will get you no where.” No red punctuation markups, just his vitriol. The mental block he instilled in me wasn’t demolished until Lisa entered my life (eleven years ago) and supported my writing. Been going strong ever since. I write to entertain myself, and if I can do that for someone else then that’s just gravy.

RZ: Writers always get asked about their influences, so consider this that question.

KG: Edgar Allan Poe is at the top. Robert E. Howard and Stephen King are close seconds. I remember reading Poe and feeling his pain, it resonated with me as I shared his pain of loss and loneliness. I borrowed my mother’s copy of Stephen King’s IT and was thoroughly frightened, and was and still am in awe at Howard’s vision.

RZ: Keith, one reason I wanted to interview you is because, like me, you seem to enjoy writing in a variety of genres. I’ve read horror stuff by you, fantasy oriented stuff, and even materials that border on Young/Adult. Why is that? Is there a common theme or thread that you see running through all your work?

KG: I think it boils down to my reading habits when I was younger. I read various age appropriate material and a lot of not so much, and when it comes time to explore a story idea, I’m open minded and allow it to fit where it’s best suited. Plus, I have two great kids and I want them to be as well read as I was. Regardless of the genre though, I will always fit in a horror trope or two.

RZ: Writing can be hard work, especially when you’re slogging through the middle passage on a novel. What motivates you to keep going? What inspires you?

KG: Life inspires me. Combine that with my wife’s nurturing words, and I rarely hit that proverbial wall called writer’s block. Once I get going, I have the strong urge to see it to completion. Discipline is one of a writer’s greatest assets.

RZ: What are you working on currently? And what’s next for you?

KG: Right now I’m working on new werewolf short stories for a sequel collection to my Animal Behavior and Other Tales of Lycanthropy as well as finishing my zombie novel Death Puppet. After that, I’ve been writing a fantasy epic off and on titled Sword of Darkness, Sword of Light and I’d like to get back to that.

RZ: What work is available from you right now, and where can readers find it? Is there a place online where folks could go to learn more about you and your work?

KG: Right now, my most notable works are the aforementioned werewolf collection and my continuation of Edgar Allan Poe’s short story The Black Cat, titled The Black Cat and the Ghoul. It is a zombie mash-up ala Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, but rather than splicing zombies into the piece, I’ve continued the tale of a nameless character in Poe’s short story and turned it into book length in a way I believe true to Poe’s vision and macabre taste. But if you want Fantasy, check out my YA novel Children of the Dragon, all titles released by Coscom Entertainment and can be found at all on-line bookstores and can be ordered via brick and mortar stores as well. And to learn more about me, I have a website (though I’m terrible with updates) at http://www.keithgouveia.com or befriend me on Facebook.


Keith, thanks for visiting Razored Zen.

Thank you for having me. Until next time, “Pleasant Screams!”

-----
-----

Coming to a Con Probably not Near You

Looks like it’s going to be a busy fall for me. But I’m looking forward to it. I’ll be going to both “Undead Con” in late October, and to CONtraflow in early November. Both are local New Orleans cons and I’ll be sitting on panels with some talented folks.

Undead Con is put on by Anne Rice’s Vampire Lestat Fan Club. All kinds of exciting things are happening there, including the Annual Vampire Ball, which is the place to be in New Orleans for Halloween. This year the events will be held October 28-29.

CONtraflow is November 4-6, and David Brin will be the author guest of honor. Since I’ve got a lot of his books, I’ll be looking forward to meeting him and getting his autograph. There are many other great guests as well. I’m not sure what panels I’ll be sitting on yet but no doubt I will have fun.

If you’re gonna be in the area at either of these times, or both, I’d love to see you.
----
----

Free Story from Midnight in Rosary

I haven’t talked much about my vampire/werewolf/ghost collection lately. That’s Midnight in Rosary, the title of which the blogosphere helped me decide on. I thought I might post a sample story from the collection, one called “The Poetry of Blood.” It’s not quite vampire. I’m not sure exactly what it is. But it’s short, which I think it needs to be for this sort of thing.

There are erotic elements to the story, and mostly the “threat” of violence. That’s why I didn’t put it up directly as a blog post. If you find those elements distasteful then you may not want to click on my link. If I’ve done my figuring right, however, clicking on This Link should take you to the story. I hope you enjoy.

The book is available at both Amazon and Barnes & Noble, with the links below.



Barnes & Noble
-----
-----
-----

A Review of Killing Trail, and More

Travis Erwin gives a good mention to Killing Trail over on his blog. I'm glad the book is being so well received. Thanks, Travis.

I recently read a pretty good book myself. It was called Night of the Living Trekkies, and was written by Kevin David Anderson and Sam Stall. Since this is somewhat of a "gimmick" book, I was afraid it would be awful. But I love Star Trek so I decided to give it a try. It was actually very well done and I enjoyed it very much. I'm very pleased to have been wrong about it.

The book's premise is a zombie outbreak at a Star Trek convention. The key to this kind of thing is good writing and this certainly qualifies. And clearly the authors knew their subjects, both Star Trek and Zombies, and Star Wars to boot. Lots of nice touches, like using episode titles for the chapter titles, and having the dialogue at places reflect the shows.

Kudos to the authors

-----
------

Painting, and My Personal West

We've been having some work done on our house for the past couple of days and they are painting in my room, among other things. That's where my computer and internet access are so that's why I haven't been around to the blogs as much. It seems to be completed now so I'm gonna start making some rounds of blogs.

In the meantime, Richard Prosch is rerunning his "My Personal West" series of posts. The one he's got up today is a guest post by me that I wrote back when Killing Trail first came out. If you didn't see it then, check it out now. It's HERE.
----
----

Novel Spaces: Dedication Weirdness

I'm over at Novel Spaces today talking about one of the strangest experiences I've ever had in my writing career. It has to do with the issue of book dedications. I hope you'll check it out.

It will be one post down from the top now.

-----
-----

Hell West

My dream last night began with a college age man sitting in a class for would-be teachers. The students are practice teaching and one young woman first has cake served to the class. Our young man, I’ll call him “hero,” gets a piece of white wedding cake. Class then ends and hero leaves with two female friends, a blonde and a brunette. He is dating the blonde but runs into a female teacher who whispers to him that he should really date the brunette, who is smarter and nicer.

Hero has to go to the bathroom and this is where the weird stuff starts. While in the bathroom, he gets a feeling that something isn’t right. About that time, a dwarf comes in and locks himself in a stall. Then a bag lady he saw outside also wanders in. She starts to flirt and tries to grope him, and he quickly leaves without managing to consummate his bathroom experience.

He goes around the back of the building to urinate but runs into two security guards. He and his two lady friends are then standing next to a railroad car on display behind the building when the sunny sky darkens and a kind of ‘shield’ snaps into place between the three and the outside world. A monstrous shadow starts to rise out of the railroad car, and the two security guards open fire on it. A massive arm with a single huge claw on the end smashes out of the car and crushes the guards. The blonde is also killed and our hero knocked unconscious.

Here it gets really weird, and funny. Our hero wakes up in Hell “West.” Satan has had to abandon the real hell but has set up a little touch of home right on the college campus. He's brought his family with him, 1) a mentally challenged 20 something son who wears a batman mask and cape, 2) a son of about 8 who never says a word, and 3) two twin teenage daughters, one with long and the other with bobbed hair. Hero is being kept because his blood is especially nutritious to the hell-borne. He is told that his brunette friend is alive but being held prisoner to keep him in line.

The long-haired daughter seems the most normal of the family and hero talks a bit to her. She protects him from her short-haired sister who wants to hammer nails into him, and this makes him feel like his best chance of escape is to befriend her. That seems to be working. When the bat masked son wants a snack, the long-haired twin is the one to “bleed” hero into a chalice, but he realizes she's doing it because her sister would hurt him much worse.

Then, Satan offers hero a bet. If he can beat the devil and his family in baseball, they’ll let him go. The young man agrees. The “baseball” is really a hacky-sack, and the bat is a fat red plastic kid’s bat (like my son had). Satan is up first and hero is pitching. Satan gets a hit and his youngest son runs for him. The kid gets on base, but then tries to steal another base and hero tags him out.

The devil fouls the next pitch into the bushes. While hero fetches the ball, the devil brings another player in on his side, a woman who is completely burned black and who stands between our hero and the batter’s box. (Satan refers to the damned as the “Burned ones.”) As our hero pitches, she tries to knock the ball away, and if she succeeds it is called a foul.

Unfortunately, I woke up before the game could finish so I don’t know if our hero escaped. I’m thinking his chances aren’t too good. What do you think?
-----
-----

Doc Savage, Quake 4, Writing

You can download the newest issue of The Illuminata today, with articles and reviews, including an opinion piece by me on “Doc Savage: The Hero Problem.” If you’re a huge fan of Doc, try to remember that I really am a nice guy anyway. :)

The issue is: Vol. 9 Issue #3 July 2011, and you can download it as a PDF or an EPUB HERE.

Looks like a good writing day here. We’ve had four straight days of heavy, heavy rain, and though we definitely needed it we’re starting to experience some localized flooding, including some road closings. I’ve been inside a lot, playing a bit on my new video game, Quake 4, which is brought to you by the same folks who gave you Doom, my favorite video game of all time. Quake is not quite as good but is still fun. Primarily, though, I’ll be sitting high and dry in my house today, writing, writing, writing. Then napping. Wow I’ve got a good life. I hope yours is going as well.
----
----

More Star Trek Versus Conan

Here's a bit more of that, dare I call it, "humor?" Well here goes anyway.

Many people think Chekov has an accent because he’s Russian. In fact, it’s because Conan punched him in the mouth until he could no longer speak straight.

Conan once told Q to get off his ship. Q listened.

Conan was once captured by the Gamesters of Triskelion. He made them fight each other and bet on the outcome. He won several quadrillion Quatloos on his bets but immediately spent it all on strong drink and women.

Conan once wore a red shirt for a whole year. He lived. But the same couldn’t be said for those who accosted Conan during that time.

Dilithium crystals always remain crystallized in the presence of Conan.

The warp drive was invented by Zefram Cockrane when he was running from Conan.

Conan loves Tribbles; Especially grilled over an open flame.

Tribbles are normally born pregnant but not so in the presence of Conan. Conan finds their offspring to be an irresistible hors d’oeurves and they can sense it.

Conan does indeed have a piece of the Federation’s action.

Conan has found that Picard’s bald head puts a dandy shine on his boots.

One of Conan’s wet farts became Wesley Crusher.

Conan once beat Kirk at a game of Fizzbin. He got a Royal Fizzbin with his first hand.

Conan spanked Charlie X.
----
-----

Three Days Off

I "finished" Under the Ember Star on Friday and for the past three days have refused to allow myself to look at it, or even think much about it. I'm a firm believer that you should always put any story or book away for a while before you do the final read through. It helps you get some needed objective distance.

I also didn't want to get started on another major project until after I finished the last read through on "Ember Star," and I haven't taken many days off this summer so far, so I decided I'd take the entire three days off from writing.

Man, am I tired of my writing vacation. I would normally try to let "Ember Star" sit a few more days but I'm too antsy and will get back to it today. I'm pretty happy to have that hunger. I played video games and read for three days, and I enjoyed it, but there was definitely something missing. Writing energizes me, feeds me intellectually in a way that video games, watching TV, and even reading can't do. It's in my blood now, or my brain, or some part of me. I reckon I'll be doing this until I die.

-----
-----

Alien in the Family, at Novel Spaces

I'm over at Novel Spaces for the next couple of days. I did a post on the hybrids in literature, particularly in science fiction. I hope you can drop by.

---
---

Conan Versus Star Trek

In the line of the books about how bad ass Chuck Norris is, I was thinking about putting together a book about Conan the Barbarian versus Star Trek. I'd probably have copyright issues in either case so I don't think it will ever happen, but here is a sample of what I've come up with for fun so far. I've got lots more. What do you think? And please do forgive the occasional vulgarity. These kinds of things aren't long on manners.

In one of their trips back through time, the crew of the Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701) encountered Conan the Cimmerian. The following events happened.

1. Twenty-seven red shirts died. Fourteen others suffered severe internal injuries from wedgies.

2. Yeoman Rand got pregnant. Twice.

3. Spock attempted a nerve pinch on Conan only to experience in return the more effective and far more painful nerve PUNCH.

4. Scotty finally met someone who could drink him under the table. Until Scotty passed out, the two of them got on well. They even moved past “It’s green” to “It’s liquid.”

5. After bumping into the drunk Conan, Bones retorted, “Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor not a punching bag.” He was wrong.

6. Kirk couldn’t act his way out of getting his ass kicked.

7. Uhuru learned a lot about alien tongues.

8. Sulu discovered that swords aren’t toys. It took him a long time to get his rapier out of his ass.

9. Conan was accidentally duplicated in a transporter accident. Both his sides were bad ass.

10. Conan tried Romulan ale and thought it was for pussies
-----
-----

CAPSULE BOOK REVIEWS, APA 94, 95

I’m so close to the end of “Under the Ember Star” I can taste it, and I’ve been writing myself out on that so I don’t have a lot of energy to blog. Here’s a few capsule book reviews.

I recently read two books in Ed Gorman’s Sam McCain series, a private eye series set in small town Iowa in the 1960s. These were Breaking Up is Hard to Do and Everybody’s Somebody’s Fool. Both were very good and very easy reads. I’ve already ordered more.

Do read Michael Connelly’s The Narrows. This is a serial killer book but it was quite well done and persuaded me to get some of his earlier works.

Read Koontz’s The Good Guy. Although Koontz has written out most of the darkness within this one hearkens back in some ways to his older work. It has one of the strongest beginnings in recent memory.

Read Rumble Tumble by Joe Lansdale. This is a Hap and Leonard book, and if you don’t know what that means then you need to find out. Email me if need be and I’ll explain. These books are suspense but I wouldn’t call them “straight” suspense. There’s always some pretty weird shit in any Lansdale book. Rumble Tumble is the good stuff. A quick read, and very brutal.

Probably you shouldn’t bother with The Forty Fathom Bank by Les Galloway. Galloway, who is dead now, attempts a Hemingway riff and doesn’t quite pull it off. I really didn’t like the main character, who is a whiney little bitch, and the ending is telegraphed very early. But I did admire the prose. It’s a novella of 108 pages. Galloway wrote it when he was 72 so that was kind of cool.

Of interest to early paperback readers, Pocketbook Writer: Confessions of a Commercial Hack, by Charles Nuetzel. Nuetzel wrote a few ERB type books back in the 60s, as well as a lot of other stuff. This is his autobiography. It includes an interview I did with him years ago.

A very good book is In the Courts of the Crimson Kings by S. M. Stirling. This is the first in a proposed Martian series. It was far superior to The Sky People, the first in a proposed Venusian series. Stirling did an excellent job updating the Sword & Planet genre here. He created an interesting way for the Martians to express themselves and kept it up throughout the whole book. There was plenty of action, as well, and quite a twist ending. Check it out.

Maybe, if you want, read Ice Prophet by William R. Forstchen. I’ve liked every other book I’ve read by Forstchen, especially his Lost Regiment series, but I didn’t really care for this one. I believe this is one of his first, written in 1983. The idea is good, a future ice age world where religion rules and ice ships sail the glaciers. It has similarities to Ice Schooner by Moorcock, but is not as good. Forstchen spends too much time on the development of the society and less on the characters and action. The ending is pretty cool, though.

Another very good book is Nightblood by T. Chris Martindale. An even better book by him, however, is Where the Chill Waits, which I read a few years back. Both books are excellent horror novels, and I also feel that Martindale writes with a style similar to what I used in Cold in the Light.

As for Heart-Shaped Box, by Joe Hill. If you like Stephen King you’ll probably like this. Joe Hill writes much like his pappy. The book started out good, then slowed way down in the middle. I almost put the book down then, but am glad I didn’t because the ending was a real roller coaster ride and was very good.

The Rocket’s Shadow and The Lost City, by John Blaine. These are two YA books, both written in 1947. This is a Tom Swift/ Tom Corbett kind of series but I didn’t think they were as exciting. “The Lost City” had a neat twist in that the “city” in question turned out to be a hidden Mongol city where the actual grave of Ghengis Khan was hidden. I would have loved these books when I was in my early teens, but they were a bit much of a sameness for me now.
----
----

White Cat Comes Alive

I’m pleased as a good beer to let everyone know that White Cat Publications is now live and rockin’. This promises to be a great site for both readers and writers. The link to the home page is HERE, but once you’re on site you can see the richness of what is up there already, as well as get glimpses of what is to come. If you click on the “Fiction” tab you’ll even see a story by me called “Ruins & Wraiths,” as well as excellent tales by Tyree Campbell, Stewart Sternberg, Charles P. Zaglanis, and Lillian Cohen-Moore.

If you’re a reader, there’s already some good stories on the site and a lot more to come. There are reviews and links and other news for the reader’s world. (Don’t forget to click on the “Next Page” at the bottom of the home page.)

If you’re a writer, this is a paying market with an editor who knows his stuff and is open to a variety of stories and styles. There is also a lot of supporting material for writers, and heads up on issues such as internet plagiarism.

I urge everyone to have a look, and bookmark the site because it is expanding geometrically. I’m going to add it to my magazine links today.
-----
-----

When the Dam Breaks

A while back I posted about hitting the wall on my WIP, “Under the Ember Star.” That wall proved tough to get over. I find a book develops a certain momentum, especially if you try to end chapters on cliffhangers. And once you get into that rhythm of movement it’s hard to break free. That was the source of the wall. I wanted the story between 25,000 and 30,000 words, and I realized I had to get hold of the reins and pull the thing up if I were going to end it where I wanted it. But the story fought the reins. I finally won, but it was a near thing, and it looks like the final will be right around 30,000 words, just a little longer than I’d hoped.

When the wall finally breached, the end came quickly. I did about 20 pages of rough draft in one day. It’ll have to be polished so the work is not done by any means, but the pieces are all there and I know where they go. And best of all, I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. I was afraid there’d be too much talky explanation at the end and not enough action, but I found a way around that. Sometimes, also, I worry that I won’t be able to pull it off, that this time I’ll write myself into a corner I can’t get out of. I’m glad it didn’t happen. This time. Someday it probably will. That’s the perils of writing by the seat of your pants.

In other news, I have another review of a friend's book below. This is for Apostle Rising, by Richard Godwin.

Apostle Rising mixes a number of genres, and does it flawlessly. There are elements of the police procedural, with two sets of connected serial killings being investigated. There are horrific elements that are a match for anything you’ll read in a straight horror novel. And there are edge-of-your-seat twists and turns that keep your head spinning and which are the basics of the thriller. The final twist caught me completely by surprise even though I read a lot of thrillers and am generally pretty good at picking out the hints. This one had me smiling because it was just perfect, and yet I never saw it coming.

The story is also written in luminous and often poetic prose:“The woods are cast deep in folded meadow shade, hues of blackness tinged with the heavy odours of autumn, rotting to nothing in the scattered leaves where insects scurry and blind slugs creep and grope their way to mulch.”

One of the main reasons I picked up this book is because I’d read a number of Godwin’s short stories and always enjoyed his prose. Godwin is a helluva stylist and I’m a sucker for beautiful language, especially when it is combined with a dark sensibility that gives it backbone.

Finally, we have good characters, both heroes and villains. I like heroes who hurt but move ahead despite the pain, characters who stand for something, who fight the good fight. Frank Castle and Jacki Stone have those qualities. And the villains (there are more than one) are a good match for our heroes. Overall this is a very strong outing for what I believe is Godwin’s first novel. I’m looking for even greater things ahead for this writer.
-----
-----

In Praise of Nonfiction

I talk a lot about fiction on my blog, about reading it and writing it. Usually when I mention loving to read I’m referring to fiction, and during the summers I really indulge myself there. I also prefer to write fiction over nonfiction, although I’ve actually sold well over a hundred nonfiction articles and the pay is much better than for fiction. Writing it is definitely a different kind of animal.

But my focus on fiction here shouldn’t be taken as a ‘dislike’ of nonfiction. I’ve often said that, as writers, nonfiction will feed our heads better than fiction, and I read a lot of nonfiction that is not just for work but for pleasure. I thought I might talk about it today. My nonfiction reading generally falls in three areas.

1. Science: I consider myself a scientist, and, as a teacher, I feel it absolutely necessary to keep up with scientific developments in the field of psychology. In the past five years I’ve been reading very heavily in the areas of evolution and evolutionary psychology, partly because I’m working on a book in that area, and partly because I’ve developed a couple of evolutionary related courses at my university. I’ve read some very good stuff in this area. The granddaddy book of them all in this field is Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of the Species, which I read many years ago but still reread passages from here and there. Some other good writers in this field include Loren Eiseley, Richard Dawkins, and Stephen J. Gould. Unless you’re working on a book, however, I’d suggest you not read many of the “Intelligent Design” screeds, which generally give a bad name to both science and religion.

2. Books on Writing: Kate Wilhelm’s Storyteller, Lawrence Block’s Telling Lies for Fun and Profit, Bill Bryson’s Dictionary of Troublesome Words. These have been three of my favorites in this area in the last few years. But I also really enjoy reading writer’s biographies, and I’ve got a bunch, from Hemingway to Stephen King. I love hearing about how other writers work, and about their successes and not so successes. A lot of writer’s lives are probably pretty boring to people who aren’t writers, but I find them fascinating. Of course, I’ve actually written my own book in this field, my collection of writing tip articles and essays called Write With Fire

3. Music: I think I always secretly wanted to be a rock star. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as I sometimes think I would. And these days those dreams are way behind me. But I still read books about rock stars, mostly aging stars these days. Two of the more enjoyable works in this field that I’ve read have been Lemmy’s autobiography, White Line Fever, and Dave Mustaine’s self titled autobiography. I enjoyed Motley Crue’s The Dirt. I will eventually get around to Ozzy’s books.

I do read outside these three areas, though not as much. I’ve read a fair amount about motorcycle culture. I wouldn’t consider myself to have been an outlaw biker. I definitely was no 1%. But I enjoyed my years as a biker and I found the sub-culture pretty fascinating. I still read a few books about that world, including Ralph Barger’s Hell’s Angel. I devoured history when I was younger, particularly the history of ancient warfare, and World War II. I came close to becoming a history prof rather than a psychologist, and I would have specialized in WWII. But there’s only so many hours in the day and history has fallen off my radar for the most part in the past ten years.



What about you? What are some of your favorite nonfiction works, nonfiction areas?
-----
-----

Ashedit on Gramlich

I feel like all I'm doing lately is touting my own horn, but there's something neat that's just gone up that I want to call to your attention. Over at Ashedit's Blog, Elaine is having a kind of Gramlich extravaganza. I think it's kind of cool so I hope you'll check it out.

Thanks so much to Elaine for putting this up. Much appreciated.

Also, I'd almost forgotten that June 27 was coming up. The second of my monthly posts is up over at Novel Spaces. This one is not about me but about "For the Love of Books." There's some cover photos I think many of you might appreciate. It's just down from the top.

----
----

Buddies in the Saddle Review

Well, I haven't normally been posting every day but I had to put up a link to Ron Scheer's review of Killing Trail. Ron captured exactly what I hoped to do with those stories. I'm very glad he enjoyed and I sure do appreciate the support. Check it out if you get a chance, at Ron Scheer on Killing Trail

---------
---------

Progress and a Retrospective

I've been doing a lot of writing and I can 'see' the end of "Under the Ember Star." My pace as slowed but I know the end is in reach and I have a pretty good idea of what has to happen and when. There's still going to be some feeling my way through. In the meantime, I thought I might be lazy today and post a scene from my first novel, from Cold in the Light. I'm still very proud of this book. Kargen, who is mentioned in the scene below, is probably the best villain I ever created. I believed when I finished it that 'everyone' would love this book. You know, I still think that. Or at least I think they should. :)

Kargen's war-band followed swiftly along the scent trail of their leader, moving like an animated wind through the forest, flowing around tree trunks, leaping over fallen logs, rushing as quick as air through the night. They passed a ruined helicopter and the torn bodies of humans, one of them without a head. But they did not stop.

The kill-smell on each of the dead bore the mark of Kargen, and it injected enough of a stimulant to quiver their war-spikes and raise spines all across their heads. It made them run faster, and faster, down hills and up, until they crossed a road of bare ruts through the dark woods.

The band's warriors no longer cared about the strange odors underlying their leader's scent pattern. Blood and violence made too heady a perfume. It overwhelmed any reservations they might have had. Kargen killed, and because of that he led. They only wanted to join with him in hauling down the prey, in tearing it to froth. Their teeth hurt with the thought.

Then, as one, the band slowed, came to a drifting stop in a meadow where wild flowers of purple and white bloomed. A wetness flared their nostrils, the raw signature of a not too distant stream. And painted among the wet were the threaded fragrances of Kargen and the Mother and of humans. And, too, of a place.

A killing ground.
----
----