Sunday, December 17, 2006

A Denial of Truth; A Cure for Everything

Williams Denies Charges. According to this interpretive reporter, Sidney Williams, revealed the other day on this very blog to be Satan’s actual love child, has called the accusation, “rash” and “premature.” He claims that Azarius is only a novel and not the blueprint for damnation that, in fact, it is. Let me ask you, Mr. Williams. If the charges are false, then why are you never seen in public without your pants? Is it not that you are afraid to reveal the Satanic tail that is the genetic legacy from your father?

Save your Life

Save your life and buy Cold in the Light by Charles Gramlich. A local scientist, whose name is being withheld at his request but who has a Ph.D. in Experimental Psychology, has revealed that the mere purchase of the book Cold in the Light by esteemed author Charles Gramlich can add years to your life and protect you from all sorts of diseases, including cancer of the big toe and hair follicles. In one particular experiment, mice who were exposed to repeated visual flashes of the phrase "Cold in the Light" were found to lose weight and be 72 percent more attractive to mice of the opposite sex. This news is likely to spark a rush on Amazon and other fine establishments where Cold in the Light is sold. So, get your copy today and start feeling better immediately!


Stewart Sternberg (half of L.P. Styles) said...

Having bought this book, and I will be reading it over the next few days, I better damn well start feeling better. I better lose weight, get whiter teeth, and start having amazing sex. I don't think that's too much to expect from simply buying a book, dammit. DAMMIT.

Charles Gramlich said...

I promise.