Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Squirrel Head Terror

I've just run off six squirrels who were in my backyard. Why you wonder? Well, it's because they are greedy little destructive bastards. We've been putting out food for all kinds of animals, including squirrels. We especially like to see the birds. We have cardinals, chickadees, blue jays, buntings, doves, thrashers, woodpeckers, hummingbirds and many more. There are several stump pieces in our yard and we started out by pouring seed for the birds on those. But the squirrels started eating all the seed, or scattering it about, and running off the birds. We bought a bird feeder. The squirrels tore the top off of it, even though we still had seed on the stumps. We bought a supposedly squirrel proof feeder that hung on a thin metal pole. The squirrels climbed the pole and began tearing holes in the feeder. We bought a supposedly better squirrel proof feeder. They tore it to shreds.

So now I run them off when I see them. They ain't very scared, even though I have stated in plain English to them that I've eaten squirrel before and don't mind doing so again. They still ain't scared. But maybe I should be. Two of them are looking in the window at me even as I speak. They're chattering something in their own lingo. I hope it's not: "Who does he think he is? I've eaten human before and don't mind doing so again."

14 comments:

Avery DeBow said...

I just bought squirrel food last night because the two I have raiding my bird feeder are eating all the expensive stuff. Now I've read your post, I'm thinking it might not help.

They are cheeky little jerks, aren't they? I'm always yelling at them, but they really don't seem to care.

Lucas Pederson said...

Lol!
Yeah, those squirrels are greedy sons of bitches aren't they? We have the same problem. I yell at them too, but I found letting the cat outside does wonders. Still, I get that look from them too. That look that says conspiracy, devilish deeds afoot. The look that says, "I eat human, you giant bastard!"
Great post!

Steve Malley said...

No squirrels or racoons here in New Zealand. I do kinda miss them, though...

Clifford said...

Squirrels are pure evil. I can't prove it, but trust me on this one.

Sidney said...

My mom and dad used to put food out for squirrels in their back yard. The squirrels were HUGE.

I think the people who bought my folks house once they were ready to move into a retirement home had to accept the responsibility of continuing the feeding, just so the squirrels wouldn't come after them.

They do make bird feeders with clever little cages to keep squirrels out. There used to be an outdoor store here that showed a video of how they worked.

Donnetta Lee said...

Be afraid, Charles. Be very afraid!

We have oodles of squirrels in our subdivision. They drive my poodle and cat absolutely crazy. They sit outside the sliding glass doors, look in at the cat and dog, and just taunt them. I keep telling hubby I'll bet they are in the attic. He says, no. Yeah, right. Has he looked?? I'll bet they've made themselves a little high rise apartment up there!
Donnetta

the walking man said...

Get a Wired Hair Terrier they were originally bred to be rodent hunters,my Jack Russell was bred to go after foxes.

When they went to ground during an English fox hunt and the hounds couldn't get down the small burrow the sent the Russell down.

Terriers of any sort do not like rodents and even fenced in the yard there are no squirrels that want to take on the dog that killed the bear. It is instinct in terriers to go after them.

But if you have human eaters i recommend the biggest Wire Haired terrier you can find, if you let it out to chase the critters and an hour later you smell roasting flesh then you know you:

A) No longer have a dog
and
B) It's time to move

Stewart Sternberg said...

DEAREST GOD...I don't think you understand what is at work here. Squirrels are dangerous, evil things. As soon as I saw the post title I shuddered. I have always been and remain terrified by squirrels.

Charles Gramlich said...

I didn't realize that the evil of squirrels was so well known. I grow more fearful as the hours pass toward the dawn. What perfidy are the squirrels planning now.

JR's Thumbprints said...

My neighbor feeds the bastards. Now they come around regularly, looking for handouts. I've even hit a few with the garden hose.

Lucas Pederson said...

We must stand against them! Come, grab your brooms, BB guns, rocks and water hoses! We must remain strong, agile as they themselves! Let us learn the art of tree scampering! (What? I know a guy who knows a guy who can teach us...)
Stewart! Leave the skunk alone! We don't need them against us too!
:-)

Bernita said...

It's not the squirrels who do the damage here - it's my dogs, running through the flower gardens after them, barking their fool heads off.

Kate S said...

Funny. My ex used to feed a squirrel that would taunt our cat. Poor kitty hated that thing and the squirrel knew it. He'd sit outside looking in the window at her and laugh.

the walking man said...

Wait a second here I have only one question after reading all of the posts: Which is the more cunning, intelligent species?