Authentic Howard, with answers

OK, here are the quotes again, with the identification and my comments in parentheses. 

#1. "Before them all came the giant form of Conan.  Arrows had ripped his white khalat, exposing the glittering black mail that clad his lion-thewed torso."  (This is De Camp and Carter, "Black Tears", P. 16 of ­Conan the Wanderer­.  I thought it was pretty good. The use of the word “khalat” is a giveaway. It’s classic De Camp and I don’t think Howard ever used this word.)

#2. "There was blood on the Cimmerian's mail, dried blood on the sword in his right hand; he loomed dim and gigantic in the shadowy light." (This is authentic REH, P. 51 of ­Red Nails­, the Berkley paperback edition.  Really good. The use of the semi-colon to tie two sentences together is a nice stylistic touch.)

   

#3. "Both Conan's knees bent to drop him straight down into a squat below the mighty cut.  He heard the wind-noise of the rushing blade, too close above his head."  (This is andy offutt, P. 42 of ­Conan the Mercenary­.  Workmanlike prose.  Nothing spectacular here.)

#4. "The Cimmerian strode forward through the dull light and dust of the battlefield.  His sword was red, his knuckles white from the harsh grip of his hand on the hilt."  (This is my contribution, from ­“Conan: Let's Rip Their Heads off and Feed Them to the Worms­,” an unpublished manuscript that consists only of the two lines quoted above.

#5. "Conan pivoted on his buttocks, his foot rising to meet a hurtling nomad in the stomach.  With a gagging gasp the man stopped dead, black eyes goggling as he bent double."  (This is Robert Jordan, ­Conan the Unconquered­.  It doesn't get much worse than this.  I mean, gagging, gasp, and goggling in the same sentence.  I've got to start using more "G" words in my own writing.  To be fair, though, this was one of his earlier books. And I read several Conan books by him. The stories were not that bad. I never tried the Wheel of Time series.)

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The Quiz Report

OK, the quiz consisted of looking at 6 pairs of choices and picking one out of each pair. It doesn’t really matter if it is a forced choice, as in you didn’t care much for either of the two. I was a bit surprised that some folks seem to have no familiarity with certain pairs. I thought these were pretty universally known, although the music groups might be the least so. (That turned out to be the case.)

First, the “correct” answers. ;)
The Rolling Stones
Motley Crue
Werewolves
Star Trek
Black Sabbath
Alien

Now why are these the correct answers (and please realize this is tongue in cheek)?

First, there is what I call the “Scuzz” factor. The best things here are just a bit disreputable. They’ve got a nasty side, a dark side, a little bit more of an edge. They’re a bit more dangerous. Certainly this may be in our perceptions rather than in reality, but I’ve got to imagine that partying with Motley Crue or the Rolling Stones would be a bit more deviant than partying with The Beatles or Bon Jovi. And although Led Zepplin were definitely freaks, Sabbath has a soundtrack that might have come straight out of hell.

Second there is the human, non-human factor. I’m not a big fan of humans in general. Although both vamps and werewolves are typically shown as coming from humans, werewolves are definitely wilder and more beast-like after the change. Vamps are a little too prissy and pretty, especially today’s vamps. I mean, come on, get your blood drained or get your liver ripped out? Which is more frightening? Alien, of course, is far less human-like than Predator. That’s why I disliked the last Alien movie, which tried to make the thing more human. Aliens ain’t human. That’s why they’re cool. Predators are like Navy Seals gone all genetically modified or something. I liked the Predator movies but I’d rather face a Predator any day than an Alien. For goodness sake, they’re gonna lay eggs in you even.

The Star Trek VS Star Wars is an age identifier. I don’t know everyone’s age, but it looks like under 40 we’re talking Star Wars while over 40 we’ve got Trek. Since age brings wisdom, you can see why Trek is the correct answer. ;)

Ultimately, this was, of course, a psychological test. The data will be published in Abnormal Psychology of the Blogosphere, a journal that I just made up and am editor of. All your names will be used. Some of you—odder folks—and you know who you are—may be contacted for follow-ups. Good psychotic subjects are hard to come by.

Thanks to everyone for participating!
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