Friday, November 13, 2009

Observe and Report

Here's a few observations on this world of human weirdness. These are some things I don't really understand, but then humans are truly an alien species to me.

1. There's a dating website called beautiful people dot com in which your application is judged generally by your level of hotness. You have to send a picture, which is voted on by those who are already members. Apparently only about 1 out of every 6 people is accepted. Here's some of their opening blurb:

Do looks matter to you, when it comes to selecting a partner?
Do you want to guarantee your dates will always be beautiful?
No more filtering through unattractive people on mainstream sites
Meet beautiful people locally and from around the world - now

I know beautiful people need love too, but do they really have that much trouble meeting folks? Or is it more of time saver for those beautiful folks who like to date a lot of different people? This way they won't have to deal with the homely, I guess. BTW, if you're "too ugly to sign up," (their words) you can click on a link that will let you browse through those of greater pulchritude.

2. Pornoments. Someone has come out with a line of Christmas ornaments that show snow people, reindeer, elves, and even Santa in various sexual positions. Even assuming these are meant humorously, is this something that needs to have been invented? Are there that many folks out there who just can't wait to see Rudolph's nose glowing red for reasons other than guiding Santa's sleigh? If so, I'm not one of them.

Just observing and reporting here. Soon I'll be returning to the Mother ship and submitting my full report to the high council. I wonder if I'll be believed, or will I end up on an ice planet in some galaxy where they house the criminally insane? I think the odds are 80 20 against.


Randy Johnson said...

If you want to show the High Commander really weird, get video of some of these people involved in what passes for politics these days.

Paul R. McNamee said...

Maybe not that weird, but ...

There is a funny site--pointed out by Wil*tmydadsays

It was picked up by CBS to be developed into a sitcom!

First of all, they are going to need to build entire episodes around out-of-context lines.

Secondly, on network censored, written by committee television, this will be tepid and lame.

But most of all, I think it's sad that you don't even need to WRITE to get a t.v. show. Just open a Twitter page!

Richard Prosch said...

Also, re: the Xmas ornaments, it seems one doesn't need to come up with a good concept, just a "clever" play of words. "It's all about the BRANDING, duuuuddde!" Ugh.

Barbara Martin said...

There are many different types of people, Charles. Most are caught up with perceived images presented by those on television and in the media. I prefer to see the beauty inside the person not their outer layer.

Laurie Powers said...

There's got to be a way to combine the beautiful people dating site with the porno Christmas decorations. There's money to be made here.

Thumbelina said...

I'm with Laurie.

And please beam me up to the mother ship. I wanna get off this world!

jodi said...

Charles, sometimes human being as as deep as mud puddles. Shallow and obvious, I agree.

Michelle's Spell said...

Hey Charles,

Sweet Mother of God, Christmas ornaments?! Tacky beyond all belief. Same goes for the website. Some smartass put me on a list for "hot senior men." I've gotten about a million emails. (okay, given my history, it is a little funny).

Charles Gramlich said...

Randy Johnson, that I know my superiors won't believe. Who could?

Paul R., that's just disgusting. In more ways than one. Man!

Richard Prosch, branding. I've been hearing that term everywhere lately. And that clever word play is apparently how pretty much all Hollywood movie stuff happens these days.

Barbara Martin, I do think that a lot of people are very very shallow.

Laurie Powers, you may be on to something. Oh, I wouldn't mind cashing in there somehow.

Thumbelina, I'm afraid there's a waiting list for the mother ship. But I'll put your name down. :)

jodi, you can never overestimate people's foolishness.

Charles Gramlich said...

Michelle, oh wow. I can imagine getting all those emails got "old" pretty quickly.

Anonymous said...

Going off at a tangent...


Now that's one of those words which sounds like its the exact opposite of what it really means.

Whenever I hear it I think of someone covered in pustules

Anndi said...

Are there that many folks out there who just can't wait to see Rudolph's nose glowing red for reasons other than guiding Santa's sleigh?

After my laughing fit, my 12 year old brain thought better glowing red nose than a brown one...

ANNA-LYS said...

There is a meaning somewhere
... for someone
everyone else are probably
happy sharing the knowledge of
where all those "others" you don't whant to meet are hanging out ;-)

Steve Malley said...

That website's lame. The *truly* beautiful (we call you people 'normies') don't require the validation of others voting on us. We get it every day in the form of expensive gifts from libidinous strangers and traffic accidents as we walk down the street. ;p

And there will always, always, *always* be a market for tacky and tasteless items to be given as gifts. Pretty sure there were a few ancient Greeks out there going, "Dude, don't you see? It's like a regular amphora, but instead of Herakles it's got all these people on the side DOING IT! Ain't that the best??"

We are indeed an odd and funny animal...

Charles Gramlich said...

Jon, you're right, that is NOT an attractive word.

Anndi, agreed. I hadn't even thought of that. And now I have. Thanks.

ANNA-LYS, probably so. Helps to narrow down the field for sure.

Charles Gramlich said...

Steve Malley, Pornamphora, yes indeed. The Romans were pretty bad about such stuff from what I hear too.

ivan said...


Rudolph a deviant?

Now we come to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Sounds like Hollywood to me.

What will be next? Cocaine Monster?
I know it couldn't have been just cookies. And that Bert and Enie. Sounds to me like they may have been Democrats gone wild. :)

Angie said...

On the dating thing, there are a lot of "hot or not" sites around where people submit pictures of themselves (their SOs, their babies or kids, or whatever) so people can either vote them as "hot" or mock them into the ground. It's always struck me as pretty adolescent, but I'm not at all surprised to see that there's a dating site run the same way. I'd actually be more surprised to find that there's only one.

On the ornaments, I think it's a false dichotomy to ask whether that kind of thing -- or anything, really -- is "necessary." Dividing things up into "necessary" and "not necessary" categories implies that we shouldn't bother with anything which isn't necessary, or that unnecessary things need to be particularly scrutinized and justified, which clearly isn't the case.

We do a lot of things which aren't necessary, but for some reason people only ask the "is it necessary?" question about things they disapprove of. Fiction isn't strictly necessary, but we read it, and many of us write it, despite that. Most of our clothing isn't necessary -- if you have something for heat, something for cold, and something for precipitation, you're pretty much set so far as necessity goes. Most of us have a greater variety of "unnecessary" clothing, though, and don't think that the fact that it's not necessary is any reason not to have it. Delicious food isn't necessary -- all that's necessary is basic calories and nutrients -- but most of us want unnecessarily good flavor and variety, so we go for it anyway. Etc.

I personally wouldn't want porny ornaments on my own Christmas tree, but if there are people out there who do, that's reason enough for them to exist. [shrug]


sage said...

Thanks, I learned something new... But like you, I didn't need to learn it and ain't planning on submitting my ugly mugshot or obscenely decorating a tree.

Travis Erwin said...

Frosty can't afford to get too hot and bothered or he will melt.

G. B. Miller said...

Had too much free time to play with today?

Spy Scribbler said...

Gosh, I know people who would be all over that site. In fact, and THIS is just ONE reason why I HATED the community I was teaching in, the local strip mall's tagline was, "Where the beautiful people shop."

So. Not. Kidding.

Now the pornaments, I could get into. :-) We always have one little Christmas tree in our bedroom (not anymore, since we only have a camper, LOL), and if the pornaments were tastefully erotic, it'd be fun. :-)

laughingwolf said...

wuffs is all TOO booful for the likes o'dem... AND, since only the female reindeer keep their antlers thru the winter [true] what does that make all those 8 'guys', and rudi? :O lol

the supreme council reports: you have done well, grasshopper, return to base

Cloudia said...

When you get back home: SEND MASSIVE HELP! Intergalactic social workers sounds about right.

Aloha, Friend!

Comfort Spiral

Travis Cody said...

Pornaments eh? I think I can pass on that.

Anonymous said...

I'm not too surprised by these things, everything under the sun and then some.

Donnetta said...

My, my. Beyond belief, Charles. People never cease to amaze me! D

j said...

Crud! I don't WANT to say this but the name of the ornament is what makes it ... funny (? for want of a better word).

There are somethings I don't want to see Santa doing.

Miladysa said...

Ever heard that song "So Beautiful" by Simply Red? I lived it once :)

I have this theory that some - not all - beautiful people never develop their personalities past a certain point in their lives.

Some day the people on that site will realise that physical beauty has very little to do with attractiveness.

Pornoments? Not on my shift! :)

Unknown said...

Way too much attention is paid on so called "beautiful people"; if their hearts were in the right place, they might be beautiful, but how can one tell about their inner being if they don't take time to develop this?

Porn on ornaments is more than tacky, it's sad; sad that someone is spending their talent on it.

Charles Gramlich said...

ivan, You should sell those ideas immediately, or possibly someone already has!

Angie, my "necessary" was meant somewhat tongue in cheek. I really don't care if people have such ornaments; I just think it's kind of silly. As for fiction, I yes, all that fashion stuff is unncessary. I do often wonder why people pursue it, but I certainly agree they have the right to do so.

sage, yeah, more strange human behavior, most of which doesn't interest me terribly.

Travis Erwin,Good point, but maybe Frosty is a masochist and likes melting!

G, couldn't think of anything else to blog about!

Natasha Fondren, lol. I suppose that depends on the exact definition of tastefully erotic. But I know what you mean. :)

laughingwolf, I guess it makes Rudolph and them less than horny! lol.

Cloudia, I will tell them but we've got a budget crisis at home as well!

Travis, pornoments would never have occurred to me.

Jack, yeah, actually I'm not very surprised either. Part of my growing cynicism I suppose.

Donnetta Lee, human beings are passing weird for sure.

jennifer, like someone was saying, the play on words is what captures the attention. Ingenious in its way.

Miladysa, I think I have heard that song. I've found that at least many beautiful people have a greater sense of entitlement then the rest of us. But I'm sure there are some truly good ones out there.

Gaston Studio, beauty is a very strange thing. But pornoments are even stranger.

Anonymous said...

Whatever next? Beam me up too, at least until after this crazy commercialism called Christmas.

eric1313 said...


I wondered for a small portion of a second. Sounds like a very Hot Springsy type of thing.

Still here in the background. Hope you and Lana are well.

BernardL said...

I believe the dating service is in order to avoid the usual unsavory 'Looking for Mr. Goodbar' type situations.

G. B. Miller said...

Oh boy.

To think that the great one is using my handy-dandy excuse for nonsensical blogging is truly mind boggling.

I am honored and humbled by your presence in my version of reality.

I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!

Ello - Ellen Oh said...


That is all I have to say about all that.

Jo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jo said...

Charles, thank you for the chuckle. I needed that today.

I will never look at a Christmas ornament the same way again.

We used to have a little red house with snow on the roof, and it was one of our family ornaments. When my brother was a little boy, he used to call it "Santa Claus's outhouse".

Nothing is sacred. :-)

Charles Gramlich said...

Cinnamon, Yes, it's become Christmasism.

eric1313, I think it probably is a bit of an upscale yuppish thing.

BernardL, Lana and I were talking today about how the online dating thing has actually been a good thing for a lot of folks.

G, lol. I thought the pornoments might be to your liking!

Ello, rushing out to pick up some pornoments I take it?

Jo, it's certainly true. Nothing is sacred. And the worst thing you could do is call something sacred. That's like putting a target on it. ;)

the walking man said...

If you make it they will buy it and if you host it on the internet someone will come and play in it.

I am rejecting the beautiful for the real and elivish porno play sets for true sex appeal.

Bernita said...

~looking up "decadence"~
Is the whole world desperate for "new, latest?"
Or is it just easier to hear about it?

Charles Gramlich said...

Mark, there's always a built in market for porn.

Bernita, probably a little of both. I'm sure we certainly hear about it more.

G, lol.

pattinase (abbott) said...

I went to a Christmas store yesterday the size of a football field--not bigger. I think it is ghe biggest in the world, if you believe the signs.
In this struggling Michigan economy, it was so packed you couldn't move. So many of the decorations were tie-ins to movies, logos, sports teams, TV shows, toys. What happened to decorations of red on a green Christmas tree? And why on beautiful day were we all in this dark store. Don't ask!

Mary Witzl said...

We are a funny bunch, aren't we? And Christmas tends to bring out the weirdest in us. Expensive Christmas gifts for pets in a world where children starve -- that's as weird as fornicating Santas.

That beautiful people website just cracks me up. Imagine what those BP will do when one day they are too old to be considered beautiful. They will be devastated!

Erik Donald France said...

I pity the poor fools in both cases. Although even much of "regular" TV is about that low nowadays.

JR's Thumbprints said...

The things they'll do to Christmas. As long as they don't mess with the Nativity scenes, I'll let it be.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Can stranger things be out there? I don't think you are insane, but the do think those that believe they are above the norm may have a few issues to work out.


Charles Gramlich said...

pattinase, well I suppose that bodes well for the economy! Maybe things are looking up.

Mary Witzl, they'll he hoist by their own petard so to speak.

Erik, did you ever see Idiocracy? the TV today reminds me of supposed future TV in that movie.

JR, sounds like you've thrown down a gauntlet. I hope no one takes it up.

Tara, a few issues may be an understatement!

Lana Gramlich said...

Just come on back to the Mother Ship. You're needed here & we miss you. ;)

RRN said...

In my recent academic studies it was brought to our attention that we have to like human beings or people if you will .
However , we do not have to like or appreciate the THINGS THAT THEY DO.
Our text book actually states that very clearly.

writtenwyrdd said...

I think in the 70s there were a number of sf novels where the aliens reporting on humanity were deemed insane and locked up for their own good.

It seems likely that would be teh case in real life, too, lol.

Those holiday pornaments? Bizarre. Yet I can understand it. If there is sex involved, someone, someplace, will want to spend money on it. I'd be willing to bet some of these ornaments are sellign for far more than hand-blown (no pun intended) imported german glass ornaments do, too.

Charles Gramlich said...

Lana, you sweet.

RRN, I find myself liking very little of what people do these days, but I have to keep reminding myself it's only "some" people, and try to keep in mind to separate their behavior out when making judgements. It's tough.

writtenwyrd, I bet your right about the ornaments selling. It's an issue discussed in The MacDonaldization of Society, which I just read.

Vesper said...

Weird indeed... A very funny post! :-)

Merisi said...

How comforting that those beautiful shallow people are keeping their own company from now on! :-)

Wonder what's on their Christmas tree ...

L.A. Mitchell said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who finds bizarre sites. Thanks for the laugh, Charles :)