To The Princess in the Olive-Green Volvo SUV

Dear Princess:

Clearly from our interactions on the highway this morning, I am not suited to share the road with your highness. However, because there might be other peasants who do not instantly recognize your royalty and may get in your way tomorrow, I wonder if you’d allow me to make a few humble suggestions and comments.

First, on-ramps onto the freeway are typically meant for one individual automobile at a time. In the future, instead of passing me on the on-ramp so that you can swing into the far lane before I’ve even merged, thus putting you fifty feet ahead of me, simply flick your headlights at me and I will instantly move over and allow you to proceed. After all, how dare I merge before you.

Second, strangely enough, despite your need for speed, when we got to the toll bridge some three miles later, you were precisely in front of me. Other peasants were in your way perhaps. Anyway, I’m sure you were far too busy with your high-level thoughts to read, but the line that says “toll-tag only” is actually meant for those who have toll-tags on their automobiles. There are several other lanes for those who will need to pay cash for their toll. Of course, despite my own toll-tag, I was happy to wait in line behind you while you searched through your purse for the three dollars. Other peasants might not be so patient, however, so perhaps you should get a personalized license plate that reveals your “royal blood.”

Third, I imagine you were putting your purse away, or some equally important task, as you got onto the Causeway, which would explain why you were driving slowly after leaving the toll booth. I am sincerely sorry that I attempted to pass you in the other lane, and I appreciate you cutting me off, forcing me to slam on my brakes as you finally selected “my” lane to drive in. It was thoughtless of me to attempt to drive the speed limit when you were going more slowly in front of me. You will note that I backed well off from your bumper after that event so that you could proceed unhampered by such dirt-grubbers as myself.

Fourth, what a glorious day it was to find that after driving 24 miles of the Causeway bridge, we arrived at the far end at almost precisely the same time. You may remember that you were in the left lane and I in the right. I am so sorry that I forgot my previous lesson and once more attempted to pass you. I was confused because your lane was moving more slowly than mine. How dare I take lane space better suited for your sweet little Volvo. My horn was only meant to indicate that I wanted out of your way before you took off my entire front end as you once more cut me off. I do appreciate you honking your own horn in acknowledgment.

And please have no doubt as to the intentions behind my lone fingered salute. It was only meant to indicate that you are indeed…Number 1.
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