Dad 2022

In 1972, my father—J. V. Gramlich—died on this date. Of a heart attack. I was 13. He was 58. He seemed old to me at the time but so much younger now. I had my own heart attack at 59 but survived. For nearly 30 years my thoughts turned automatically to him on this date. In many of those years I wrote a poem for him.

I realized this morning that I’d almost forgotten dad on this day. Only seeing a post on facebook about some celebrity who died on this date sparked my memory. And I realized that, for the last ten years, I have forgotten in many Aprils and have allowed the day to pass unremarked.

For a moment, a flash of pain swept through me. How could I ever forget? But I know how. I have so many more things to think about today. Work, of course. The semester is always busy at this time. But that’s the least of it.

I have my own son to think of. He works too hard and rests too little, and I see myself at his age in that. And I have a daughter-in-law who is a great mother to my two wonderful grandsons, Silas and Sully. And those boys! What wonderful, amazing, beautiful children.

And there’s Lana, who keeps our yard beautiful with flowers, and who is so smart that we can talk about anything in the world, and who makes the best spaghetti and meat sauce I’ve ever eaten, and who is just simply cute in every way.

I don’t forget my father. I still have his photo (with mom) up in my living room. But the day of his death no longer has the same power and same pull on me that it used to. There’s too much life going on around me to think very much of death. 

 

A SEASON OF LOSS

You see a lot of retrospectus posts these days on the blogs. It’s natural and I rather enjoy them. Usually I like to do one myself, and I guess this is such a post, but this year it’s a little harder. There are things I don’t want to look back on, losses that I’ve had a hard time dealing with.

In March my mom died, after a really tough few months of illness, hospitalization, and pain. While attending her funeral I came down with the flu and it lingered for well over a week. Physical exhaustion. Mental exhaustion. I had them both. It’s still hard to believe I’ll never speak to her alive again.

Then came more loss. In July, my brother-in-law, Roger, died. He had several pretty bad weeks with brain cancer before he passed. I wasn’t there for it, although the family kept me informed of what was happening. And then came the third loss. In November, my stepfather, Ray, passed. He didn’t suffer as long as mom or Roger. And in such times you find yourself thankful for small favors.

Such things do not make for a good year. For anyone. And they linger; they ache. Like an arthritic limb. But the year was certainly not all about loss. It wasn’t primarily about loss. I have Lana and Josh. Their love is wonderful. I have a job I enjoy and not a lot of money worries. I live in a great house with trees on three sides and a yard full of birds and other critters. I ate well in 2010. I bought and read many good books, often by friends.

My writing did not go as well as I’d hoped. Certainly I didn’t get much new work done. I started two novels and both came to screeching halts. However, I did complete some projects that were close to my heart. I self-published Killing Trail and am rather proud of it, although sales have been modest. I also completed two collections of my short stories for Borgo Press. One was a collection of vampire fiction, Midnight in Rosary, and the other horror, In the Language of Scorpions. “Midnight” has been turned in but Borgo is setting up ebook versions of older books so new publications are on the back burner. I’m hoping 2011 will see both books in print.

In the end, I cannot be sad to see 2010 go. It will not be remembered with joy, as I remember 2007 for my marriage to Lana, for how we settled into our current woodsy home, and for the publication of the Talera novels. I know I’m looking forward to 2011; I’m hoping for better things. But 2010 did remind me of what is important in life. It reminded me that love and family are the reasons why I’m here. I can live with that.
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More on Chimes, and Updates

"Chimes" is still available from Damnation Books. Since most folks who commented on my promotion idea seemed to think it was either a good idea or OK, I'm going to go ahead and try it. Anyone who does a review for the story will have their names entered into a drawing to win a copy of whichever of my books they might want. That includes the three Talera novels, Write With Fire, and the Writing in Psychology Guidebook. Any review counts; it doesn't have to be a good review.

Another thing going on in my life right now is not positive, and it makes it hard to talk about the things that are positives. Even though I feel like I need to.

My mom was showing some improvement but has had a pretty bad setback. She's pulled her stomach feeding tube out twice now. It's not looking good, and right now the feelings are far too convoluted and complex to speak clearly of. I'm not even completely sure what those feelings are, since I go from hope, to resignation, to various emotions in between. Someday I'll probably write about them. But not today.
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Back in the Saddle

We got home last Tuesday but I didn’t have the energy to post until now. Although mom is communicating better than she was, she has not regained any real strength and is still bed bound. She had a feeding tube put in her stomach because she still doesn’t swallow well. I talked to my brother today and she is going to be released to a nursing home tomorrow. I wish I could be there but unless I work we don’t eat.

Since returning I’ve been doing little other than grading. Twenty-seven term papers, and 35 tests. I finished the papers and about 2/3rds of the tests. I haven’t written a word in the last 9 days. Tomorrow isn’t likely to change that. And on Thursday I give another test. Well, enough complaining. I’ll try to post more regularly and respond to comments and blogs again. I hope that within a week or so I’ll be back to some form of regularity.

I’ve certainly had plenty of ideas for both blog posts and essays. Just no time to write them up for now. I will have a short story coming out for the Kindle in the next couple of weeks. I’ll post more about that in the next few days.

Later.
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Time Away

This'll be my last post for a week or so. Tomorrow, Lana and I are headed up to Arkansas. My mom is still in the hospital and is not doing very well. Lana and I both have next Monday and Tuesday off due to Mardi Gras so we will be staying in Arkansas through that time and we won't have much, or possibly any, internet access. Mostly I'll be at the hospital, I imagine.

It's about an 11 hour drive, depending on weather and such. My brother says the roads are clear now, although they have had quite a bit of snow. There are predictions of sleet and freezing rain, however, which means we won't be driving much at night. I've driven on roads coated with freezing rain and I hope not to have to repeat those experiences.

Even after I get back I may not be posting much through the rest of February. I'm way behind at work, have had almost no time to write, and am just feeling pretty tired at the moment. I'll be further behind when I return. I will update the blogosphere about my mom when I get back.

Take care.
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All Good Things: Or Almost All

Generally, good stuff going on at the moment. First, my mom had to have the batteries in her pacemaker changed yesterday. It’s supposedly routine, but nothing is quite routine when you’re 93. However, they didn’t have to put her under deep anesthesia and she came through fine and is already home. She has developed “Shingles,” but is being treated for that.



Second, Choice Words has been released by Borgo Press. The book is edited by Robert Reginald and is subtitled: “The Borgo Press Book of Writers Writing About Writing.” Besides the fact that I always enjoy seeing new books come out for writers, I also have three essays in the book. These are reprints. Two of them come from Write With Fire and the other from Writing in Psychology: A Guidebook. The last is a collaboration piece, of course, with Elliott Hammer and Du Bois Irvin.

Third, the new Illuminata is up and looks very interesting this month. My essay on “Evolution of a Genre” is included. You can download it for free here. If you haven’t signed up for the free newsletter you can also do so on that same page.



Fourth, I just finished reading J. Bruce Fuller’s 28 Blackbirds at the End of the World and I raved about it over on Goodreads. Below is what I said there:

I originally read this collection in manuscript form and enjoyed it very much. I gave the author a blurb, which appears on the back cover. Here's what the blurb says:

"J. Bruce Fuller's "28 Blackbirds" is to haiku what Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" is to apocalyptic novels. A masterpiece."

I stand by that.

The printed version has a great cover, as seen above, and contains a short introduction by the author. If you like haiku, especially connected haiku on the same theme, you will surely enjoy this book. All the haiku revolve around the theme of blackbirds surviving, and sometimes dying, at world's end.

Here's one of my favorites:

world burned black
the hearts of men are black
blackbird's eye is black

If you're interested in the collection you can get it from Bandersnatch Books

Fifth, the Saints are still going to the Super Bowl. And I think that’s enough good news for one day!
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Going to Arkansas, and Other Cool Things

I’m leaving tomorrow to go visit my mom in Arkansas. I’ll be gone until at least Friday and most likely won’t be posting or visiting blogs during that time. I’ll be staying at my mom’s and they don’t have internet. And it’s not like there are a lot of wi-fi hot spots in small town Charleston, Arkansas. I may check in at the library on occasion to get email. But, I only see my family about once a year so I want to spend every moment I can with them. I’m sure you’ll all survive for a week without commentary from me. I’ll catch up next weekend. After that, though, school will be starting again and I’ll have to make some adjustments in posting.

In the meantime, I got a couple bits of good news. My poem, “Blue Soul,” has appeared in Dreams and Nightmares #80. I’m in the company of some very fine poets, including Gary William Crawford, Ann K. Schwader, Bruce Boston, Deborah P. Koladji, and our own Greg Schwartz.

Also, William Jones has accepted my story, “The Vivarium,” for his anthology Tales out of Miskatonic University. I did the Psychology Department story. I’ll post more about that in the future, of course.

I'll be visiting blogs today and responding to comments. After that, see you in a week.

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Quick Update From Arkansas

Well, my mom got out of the hospital on Monday and is pretty quickly regaining her strength. She's started to eat better and is sleeping much better than in the hospital. Her blood pressure was too high and that was causing some fluid to build up around her lungs. They drained that and gave her more medicine and her pressure has been steady for about six days now. If she continues as she has today I'll probably head back home on Friday afternoon. Fortunately there are a lot of folks around to check on her, as well as her husband. I probably won't be back to regular posting here until later in the weekend, though.

Thanks everyone for their good thoughts. I really appreciate it and something certainly seems to have helped.

Charles