Thursday, September 30, 2010

Maybe I'll Quit

OK, I've heard the name, although I had to check Wikipedia to get the details about her before I posted this. There is a woman known as Snooki, who is apparently a reality TV star on the show Jersey Shore. I've never seen the show and only once do I believe I've seen "Snooki," when I caught something about her on The Soup. She is apparently known primarily for drinking and fighting.

But now, Snooki is going to become a novelist! According to reports, Snooki read her first book in February of this year, at the age of 22, and has now been signed by Simon & Schuster to write a novel called "Shore Thing." It's supposed to have lots of love and fighting in it. And reports indicate that Snooki does have a collaborator.

I try to be happy for new writers when they garner a book deal. I really do. I try. I try. But I have to admit I'm having a hard time with this one. Especially after my most recent figuring up of how much money I've earned this year from my writing. Right now I'm in the black. Just barely.

But then, I guess I haven't spent enough time drinking and fighting in public. And I suppose I could dress a little sluttier too!

Or I could just quit writing and these things wouldn't bother me at all.
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65 comments:

David Cranmer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David Cranmer said...

Yep, that's pretty sad.

But please don't quit writing, Charles. (Dressing slutty is optional.)

Deka Black said...

I'm with David, don't quit. This plague, sickness. or whatever you wish to name it is universal. In Spain i could name a big bunch of "literary intruders", but this would be a advertising don't deserved.

Drink if you want... but soda and coffee. taht's more cool ;)

Cullen Gallagher said...

I don't really know anything about "Snooki" either. Didn't even know she was on that show, which I've never seen. No plans to watch the show, and no plans to read the book (now that I know about it). Maybe that's judging a book by its cover? I have too many things in my TBR pile that seem better.

Sidney said...

A collaborator for Snooki? Go ooonnnnn!

Bill Crider said...

Some ghost writer will be getting work. That's good, I guess.

Ty Johnston said...

I hate to sound like an old fogey, but all reality TV does anymore is glamorize the absolute worst of behaviors, and awards people for such behaviors.

Paul R. McNamee said...

Well, when a Twitter site (Sh** My Dad says) can get a t.v. deal, this doesn't surprise me.

Now, I've seen other Twitter sites starting up with fictional premises trying to score t.v. deals.

Just think - you don't need to quit writing - you just need to write less than 140 characters per day! It's like flash-flash-flash fiction (or something.)

Chin up. Unfortunately there will always be crap books like this on the shelf in the store. If not Snooki, it'd be Paris Hilton or a porn star or something.

Heather said...

Oy.


I can't think of much else to say - but if you're looking for slutty fashion advice...start with fishnet hose.

Christina said...

Collaborater, a.k.a ghost writer.

One book wonders. That's all it is. Writing is about the love of storytelling. You love it too much to give it up and we love reading your work too much to let you give up.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Isn't that pathetic? I have very little respect for 'celebrity' authors of that caliber.

Angie said...

I suppose we could just feel good that the g/h/o/s/t/ w/r/i/t/e/r/ collaborator working with her got some work.

Angie

Charles Gramlich said...

David Cranmer, I don't really have any slutty clothes.

Deja, I hesitated about mentioning it because of the "advertising" element of it but couldn't resist.

Cullen, Yep, it's not going high on my TBR pile for sure.

Sidney, I know, probably they won't do much of the work. I'm sure Snooki has all the skills she needs.

Bill, yep, I wonder how you get such a job?

Ty, it's become like our modern gladitorial arenas, the scandle and the drama just suck the viewers in.

Paul, you're absolutely right. There have been many before. Fabio, Pam Anderson, etc etc etc.

Heather, I will keep that in mind.

Christina, I won't give it up, certainly. But it takes the fun out of it for a while.

Alex, I know some celebrities who can write and have written their own works and done well, but they've worked at it and not just capitalized on some silly drama.

Angie, I wonder how big the ghost writer's name will be on the cover?

Angie said...

Charles -- if it's actually a ghostwriter as opposed to an acknowledged collaborator, it won't be there at all. I've heard ghostwriters make decent money, though, in exchange for all rights to the story.

If it's an acknowledged collaboration, then what's-her-name will probably get the 32-point type and the actual writer will get six-point. :P

Angie

G said...

I'm surprised she can actually string any kind of words together.

Let's see...tabloid hog, clothing hog, probably the only thing she can write would be titled:

"How I'm able to parlay a pair of 38's and a IQ about doubled into a multi-million dollar slush pile."

ArtSparker said...

I can relate - starving artist here!

Steve Malley said...

Don't worry about the rest of the world. Just write your words.

Eyes on the prize, man, eyes on the prize... :)

Issa's Untidy Hut said...

Well, because from all tragedy comes good ... here's the Snooki novel news of the day ...

http://mcaf.ee/ca13b

Don @ Lilliput

Miles McClagan said...

It wouldn't be much worse than Nicole Richies novel...

Akasha Savage. said...

I've only seen pictures of Snooki a couple of times in my daughters Heat magazine (yes I do admit to flicking through...um...reading it!). How I hate these so called celebrities who seem to get book deals with a wink of their eye. While we 'real' writers have to slog our guts out to even get noticed. Grrrr.....

Oscar said...

I wonder what that book was that she read, "How to Write a Novel in One Easy Lesson", or "How to Write."

Evan Lewis said...

Yeah, this sort of story is less than inspiring.

Ello said...

It is really disheartening to read stuff like this, but from what I hear, books like this sell and the publishers see it as a sure thing. And this allows them to continue to buy real novels from real authors. So I think that we just have to consider there is some good coming out of it.

Richard Prosch said...

I always heard that Ron Goulart actually wrote the "Tek" novels credited to Shatner. Always thought that would be a good gig. Big names sell --why not cash in on 'em?

sage said...

Sad... even sadder, I wonder if those who buy her book will read it or just look at the pictures... Don't dress slutty; we don't need that! :)

Scott said...

Charles,

I have a hard time believing that this 'Snooki' bimbo can read , much less write.

sandy outworldarts spartasoap said...

I think it must be terribly disheartening, but I agree with those who say "don't quit writing". I'm not an aspiring writer, but I can imagine the frustration you must feel. I didn't know anything about "snooki" either until my sister-in-law sent me a video. Every sentence had "WTF".

Charles Gramlich said...

Angie, yes, you’re correct. I was using the terms interchangeably but yes there is a difference of course.

G, Tis the age we live in.

ArtSparker, yes, it’s a very good thing I have another job.

Steve Malley, I know. I generally do. Sometimes you just gotta scream, though.

Don, so there’s one less page she’ll have to write!


Miles McClagan, I’m afraid I missed that classic. I do believe I heard something about it though. I wonder, though, if Nicole Richie read her first book in the year she decided to write one.

Akasha Savage, and even after the slogging we don’t really get much notice.

Oscar, I’m thinking, “Green Eggs and Ham.”

Evan Lewis, definitely not the feel good story of the year, except for snooki I guess.

Ello, from what I’ve heard, a lot of these kinds of books actually don’t sell enough to make back their advances. I think the publishers are playing the lottery in hopes they’ll get one that’ll be really big.

Richard Prosch, I heard that too. Not absolutely sure it’s true but tis possible. Indeed, one wonders how to get such a gig?

sage, I don’t think I can pull off slutty anyway. I think you’re safe.

Scott, apparently Justin Timberlake got a publishing contract and actually is functionally illiterate. I don’t know for sure. Just what I’ve heard.

sandy outworldarts spartasoap, yes, I have a feeling her vocabulary is relatively simple.

ivan said...

Well, I wouldn't throw Snooki out of bed. She is a knockout. Really. But she drinks!
Her actual name is Nicole Policci.

Strange synchronicity, that name.

In jail recently for something, she told a reporter,"I'm too pretty to be in jail."

...Gee, I should have said that last time I got picked up for drunk, but that might have led the homies on. .

On big book advances, I haven't had any, but I did make a lot of money in journalism. Like tens of thousands. Still, not like Snooki.
She's got it made in writing.... and now host of "expatriate"writers and poets, who get
automatically published in America and Canada, receive about $20,000 to live on, including medicare.

Durn. I should have said, in my twenties, that I was a refugee writer from the U.S.S.R...Would have gotten room and board for sure..And an automatic publishing. Better than the Gulag for sure.

Charles Gramlich said...

Ivan, I haven't really paid much attention to her. I suppose she could be considered cute, from the pic I saw today. I'm not sure I could carry on a conversation with her.

Demon Hunter said...

LOL. Charles, I must admit that I watch the show, which is on it's 2nd season. LOL. I'm watching it right now!

I like Snooks, but I really don't think she should write a book.

It's hard not to be discouraged by such craziness, but don't quit. You're awesome. ;-)

SQT said...

Ugh! The reality show phenomenon is a modern plague. The good news is that her audience isn't like to put reading on their list of priorities-- or abilities. Don't quit just yet. Those of us who actually read will still want quality writing.

Lana Gramlich said...

I'm sorry, baby. This is one of the many things that make me greatly dislike Amerika. <:(

Charles Gramlich said...

Demon Hunter, you'll have to tell us why you watch it sometime. Or maybe I should just watch an episode myself to see what it's like.

SQT, true, if she read her first book this year then many of her fans may not be the world's biggest readers either. They'll probably buy her book though.

Lana, no art goes unpunished, sweets.

Demon Hunter said...

Charles,
I think most people would be shocked to know who actually watches that show. Some people like reality tv, some don't. I tend to hate it overall, but there are shows I watch.

Contrary to what another commenter said, I am an avid reader and a determined writer. :-D I just watch trashy tv sometimes. LOL.

Natasha Fondren said...

LOL! I'm late to the party, but I had the same thought: Woo-hoo! Some ghostwriter, a professional writer who's probably written mostly without a single bit of public encouragement or any reader mail (how tragic is that?), is going to make some good money.

I think Dean Wesley Smith did a post about breaking into ghostwriting.

Harry Markov said...

NEVER QUIT! We need good people in this... It can't be only Snooki and Tori Spelling and Tyra Banks... Ugh, and I can help you dress like a slut for the sake of publicity. :D

I am a fashion disaster, so you will get all the attention you need to launch a career.

the walking man said...

John McCain knows Snooki.

Really though why not more psuedo celebrity drivel taking up shelf space.

BUT REALLY Simon and Schuster FFS? I am going to continue self publishing because I now know for certain I have more integrity.

BernardL said...

We do what we love to do. The rest is out of our hands, my friend.

Charles Gramlich said...

Demon Hunter, I imagine everyone has something trashy they enjoy. I actually watch one reality show myself, Hell's Kitchen. And I have watched Charlie's Angels. :)

Natasha Fondren, I know a few folks who've done some ghostwriting. I've gotten a couple of offers myself, but only from folks who couldn't afford to pay me really.

Harry Markov, I think by now I'm probably too old to go the slutty route. Maybe when I was in my 20s!

Mark, if it weren't for the fact that it would hurt some writers I respect, I think I'd call for a boycott of Simon @ Schuster.

Charles Gramlich said...

Bernardl, you are indeed correct.

laughingwolf said...

crap! i know nothing about the twit, but that's preposterous! GRRRRRRRR

two words: celebrity; entitlement :(

X. Dell said...

As a screenwriter, I was aware that approximately 100,000 screenplays are written every year, for a limited number of readers, only a tiny microfraction of which will greenlight a production. In the flood of efforts endevouring for the silver screen, the projects most likely to make it there rely on marketing, pre-production hype (usually celebrity-connected) and so on. Oftentimes, movies are greenlighted on concept before they're actually written.

Assuming Snooki actually wrote the novel (it could very well have been ghostwritten--as a former ghostwriter I know how that goes), her visability on a nationally televised show created a market. Her realty-fame offers sufficient hype to make it a profitable endeavor.

The moral of this long-winded story is that before you actually put down your pen in disgust, you might want to get on a reality show yourself. I'd guarantee your books would kick ass.

X. Dell said...

BTW, I was perfect in your last quiz. Just so you know how degenerated my childhood was.

Heff said...

I feel your pain, Charles.

I felt similar when the "rock band" Poison became a success.

Charles Gramlich said...

laughingwolf, yes indeed.

X. Dell, I know it's driven by commericalism, or what is judged as likely to be successful. It still irritates the hell out of me at times. Maybe a writer reality show, where each week another writer is eliminated on the basis of their prose! As for the quiz, I imagined you were quite degenerate! ;)

Heff, I felt pretty bad about that too. Because it meant they were going to play them on the radio all the time. Gaggg.

Rick said...

Snooki just sounds bad.

BStearns said...

Oh. My. Gawd. That is the worst thing I have ever heard. The worst thing about that, is it will probably become a best seller because for some reason people seem to like stupid, useless brainless crap. But if we didn't have people like you Charles, then all we'd have is crap to read.

jennifer said...

If there is ever a time that you need to post pictures on your blog, it's when you dress slutty for success.

:)

Snooki reading a book and deciding to write one... huhn. Maybe she should start with a blog like I did?

Again, :)

Charles Gramlich said...

Rick, I think that's probably the point.

Bryan, thankee. I appreciate the kind words.

Jennifer, rest assurred there will be no pictures!

jodi said...

Oh God, Charles, don't go there. That Snooki person will be able to peddle her 'story' to a handfull of peers and wannabees. So very gross and the next logical step in her 15 minutes of fame!

Charles Gramlich said...

JOdi, her's seems to be going on longer than 15 minutes. I don't wish her ill of course. I'm just expressing my frustration.

Kate Sterling said...

Oh, Charles, I know what you mean! When I saw this the other day, too, I just wanted to vomit. I mean, this is the girl who think President Obama wants to tax tanning because he's jealous of her pretty tan!

Oh, well. My daughter will probably read the book because she loves that show. She'd just better not use MY money to buy it!

(But I'm sure Lana would love it if you dress slutty - that can only be a good thing)

Charles Gramlich said...

Kate, for Lana I might.

Jess said...

This kinda stuff makes me insane!

Charles Gramlich said...

Jess, I know. Me too.

Travis Cody said...

And I thought it was bad when I heard that this Justin Bieber kid was getting a book deal.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Or you could kill someone, go to prison, and get that book deal. I've seen it happen. As for Snooki, I hope it ain't a "shore thing," and that's for shore.

Charles Gramlich said...

Travis, I only recently discovered who he was. At least he's more wholesome than Snooki.

JR, I've considered that, but your posts have convinced me that I don't want to be in prison even for a book deal.

Shauna Roberts said...

Ack! Don't quit writing, Charles! Those of us who read more than one book in 30 years need something good to read!

I feel sorry for this "Snooki." How hollow her life must be, to have only fake "accomplishments." The stuff you do is real and meaningful.

I was sick this week and read several books. One was one of the best books I've read in years. Beautiful writing and great story. The kicker: It was self-published. What is worthwhile and what editors buy is sometimes worlds apart. It reflects badly on the editors, not on you and me and the author whose book I read this week.

Erik Donald France said...

Chuckles. Keep on keeping on. Money is useful, but it ain't everything. Especially in publishing.

Sawah [sic] Palin got millions for her ghost-written junkets, sold off via discount to the Fox Nation. Maybe the trick is enlisting (in?) the Fox Nation. Or with the Limbaugh Loonies. Or the Beck Blowhards. Or some large magachurch. It's all good! A quick gander at the NYT bestsellers list says it all!

Charles Gramlich said...

Shauna, you're absolutely right. There are many wonderful works out there being either self published or published by the small press.

Erik, you're spot on, my friend.

AvDB said...

Rage! Rage! Rage!

That's pretty much all I have to say about this one (without going into an expletive-laced, forty-page tirade).

Carole said...

Makes a writer want to go postal. I haven't seen snooki either, but it never ceases to amaze me that publishers convince the reading public that these kind of books are important reading.

Charles Gramlich said...

AVDB, my sentiments exactly.

Carole, at least some part of the public want them.