Let yourself write ugly. You probably wouldn’t get up from a night’s sleep and go directly out on a date. You’d fix yourself up a bit first. But you don’t blame yourself for your morning face, morning hair, morning breath. Treat your writing the same way. It doesn’t have to be perfect, or even presentable, when it first comes out of your head onto the screen. Get stuff down and then worry about making it look and sound good.
No one in the world has to see the first words you put down. You can try out anything you like, use any word that pleases you, make any argument you want to make, and no one can deny or contradict you. No one can tell you: “That sucks!” Who cares if what you put down is ugly? You can always fix it later.