Saturday, April 03, 2010
Returning: Part of Me
Thanks so much to everyone here and on Facebook for your kind thoughts and actions. Know that they are appreciated very much. I managed to get some things set up that Monday at school so my students didn’t get two weeks completely off. Still, they have missed some work and I hope I have the energy to get them back to the grind. We were off this past week for Spring break, so now it will be a race to graduation starting this coming Monday (April 5). I am not looking forward to it, since my mind is still not doing a very good job of focusing.
The rosary service and funereal for my mom went as well as could be expected. There were many flowers and plenty of hugs. That did not make them pleasant experiences. But these are things you endure, perhaps the ultimate human activity. I have lots of relatives and many of them I have not seen in years. One thing that happened several times and really didn’t make me feel better was when some relative would corner me and say: “Do you remember who I am?” I really, really didn’t feel like taking a test while I was just trying to get through the day. In at least one case I appear to have insulted someone pretty badly by mistaking a daughter for a much older mother.
Although it has been thirty years since I’ve had the flu, I came down with it right after the funeral. I managed to keep running on adrenaline until I got back home and got some stuff done Saturday. Then I pretty much just collapsed. I’ve never had the flu this bad. The cough eventually turned bacterial so that added to the recovery time. I’m still not feeling really strong but am able to go through most of the motions. I’d better be, because Monday is closing in like a freight train.
I do not know right now what to say about my mom. I feel like she’s still in the act of passing. It isn’t complete for me yet. I’m glad it’s complete for her, though, because she was truly suffering and that is a wound that takes a long time to heal. I will speak for a while about her still in the present tense.
I love you, mom.