I do believe I’ve seen it all now. We’ve got free Showtime so I was flipping through the movie channels last night to see what was on. I watched the remake of Day of the Dead, and Wes Craven Presents: Dracula II: Ascension, which were mildly entertaining.
Then I discovered an offering called One-Eyed Monster. And I realized that western civilization is done, finished, kaput. Although I missed the first two-thirds of this cinema masterpiece, the premise is this: a group of porn stars, including Ron Jeremy, are up in the mountains filming a porno. An alien comes to earth and possesses Ron Jeremy’s penis. It tears its way off Ron’s body and proceeds to hunt down and “F” to death the other members of the cast and crew. Two individuals do survive, including the actress Amber Benson (although one has to wonder whether her acting career will do the same). The survivors are saved by an aging porn star who sacrifices herself to the alien penis.
Less you think this movie was just an excuse to show porn, there was actually no porn at all. At least in the last third. Well, we did get to see a large plastic object that was supposed to be Ron Jeremy’s penis. Other than that, everyone was fully clothed and even the porn star’s sacrifice at the end involved no more than some suggestive moaning.
Will the world still be here when I wake up in the morning? I suppose we’ll see.
In the meantime, I’ll also leave you with the following image, from a different movie. I have no idea if it's real or not, but it probably should be. Given the existence of One-Eyed Monster, nothing is too out there to be real.