One thing I’ve realized about twist-ending stories is that there are usually several possible endings that can be produced by making only minor alterations in the text. And sometimes with no alterations. In fact, I’ve submitted stories with anywhere up to four different endings. My Halloween Flash this time is an example. Some of you read the story “Precious Cargo” when I entered it in the “Clarity of Night” contest. For that contest it had a bittersweet ending. As you can see, I’ve made a few minor changes at the end, and have changed the title to reflect the story’s new direction. WARNING: This ending is pretty damn nasty. Read at own risk.
Note: There are some more Halloween Horrors listed in the links below the story. Since I’m way behind in checking blogs, I may find more today and will add them here. If I miss anyone, please let me know. As always, older stories are linked in my recent posts.
ROADKILL
No moon.
A sky flecked like mica with stars.
I had my Harley redlined, the V-Twin burning between my legs. It’s always dangerous riding fast at night. But since the change I had nothing to lose, no one to care if I lost it.
Then I saw her, lying across the blacktop.
Dead, I thought.
But she moved when I swerved to avoid her.
I got the bike stopped, u-turned, winced as I saw… Her back was broken.
I hung the bike on it’s kickstand, the headlight painting her, refracting jewels from her liquid eyes. I rushed to her, knelt.
She opened her mouth but made no sound. How could she be alive? How could she breathe with a chest half crushed? What was she doing so far from town? What sick fate had sent a vehicle to rendezvous with her at this lonely spot? There were signs of burnt rubber. Whoever had hit her hadn’t even slowed down.
I tried to force, “It’s OK,” through my lips. The meaningless words wouldn’t come.
Then she looked past me toward highway’s edge. I turned, saw some shadowy movement. When I turned back she looked like she was sleeping but her chest no longer rose and fell.
My feet followed where her gaze had led, and I saw why she’d been crossing the road. Saw what she was returning to. Or running from.
Her puppies had been born dead. But in this new world they hadn’t stayed that way. They smelled me, and squirmed toward me through their mother’s afterbirth, their baby teeth stark and white and gnashing.
I backed away, then screamed as a sudden flashing agony lanced through my legs. I fell, rolled instinctively away from the pain. The mother hound’s mouth was flecked with foam and blood. My blood. Her eyes had been reborn as scarlet hells.
I tried to get up, found she’d torn out my Achilles tendons. Still screaming, I scrabbled away along the highway. The hound growled and hitched herself toward me, her paws slapping at the asphalt. Intestines unraveled behind her.
I almost laughed hysterically as I realized the mother’s broken spine would keep her from catching me.
Then I saw the puppies. On the road. They couldn’t walk either. But they were crawling faster than I was.
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Halloween Horror Links:
Flash Fictions
Hell Plate by Lucas Pederson.
freaky flash IX, night, by Laughingwolf.
lobo, also by Laughingwolf.
Non-fiction
Barbara Martin has been running some posts on her blog about horror films. Today she has a piece on Dracula.
Travis has a great true story on his blog called Ghost. Well worth checking out.
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41 comments:
I love you, you sick bastard.
Great story. You really took me there as I could imagine the scene perfectly.
GAH!
You guys and your flash horror fiction are pulling me in. These stories are so creepy, but I can't resist.
Dangit!
Very nice. I think this story actually gave me a chill! Love your writing m'man. Always have.
Oh dear, am I glad of not having to drive through the little tree-lined country roads of Tuscany anymore, escpecially at night, after reaading your story. ;-)
Perfect with the visualizations. This is what makes a story great with accolades to the author. Horror is meant to be just that. It's supposed to creep the reader out.
It sure beats bobbing for apples, which is about all we used to do for Halloween over here....
Charles,
Very good! Gotta love undead stories.
freaky this time round, charles :O
thx for the plug, as always... new one posted tonite...
Lana, stop it, you'll make me blush.
Travis Erwin, glad it was good and visual for you.
Travis, I do love me some creepy.
Lucas, glad you enjoyed.
Merisi, oh I'm sure you would be safe. Pretty sure, anyway.
Barbara Martin, thanks. Good visuals are essential to me in having a good reading experience.
Julie, I could probably turn that into a horror story. Maybe I will.
Scott, yep, zombies rock.
Laughingwolf, glad you enjoyed, my friend.
Zombie dogs. Zombie dogs.
Gotta love 'death by a thousand puppies'!
Hop, you poor bastard! Hop like the wind!!!
I remember this story. It's an oldie, but a goody.
Best one yet, Charles!
Glad to see another one! I've been swamped and haven't posted or commented, but I've been telling people to check out the Halloween flash stories.
you're right about twist endings... this one's definitely a lot scarier.
Omigosh, I love it.
Stephen King, move over...
Steve Malley, death by a thousand puppies. Sounds like a great title. There's definitely a little black humor in this one.
Will, LOL. I shot beer out my nose at that one. Hop like the wind.
x-dell, with a much nastier ending.
Writtenwyrd, thanks. Really gross is what it is.
Sidney, I'm going to do 2 more, the last one on the 30th to carry us through halloween.
Greg, and grosser. Which is good.
Jo, thanks. I'd sure like to make a bit of his money.
Visceral, man. Ouch!
Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.
Thanks Charles, now I will be leery of eating roadkill!
Heck of a variation on your contest winner. :)
this is random but about twist endings did you know its claimed that Agatha Christie didn't decide who the killer was until the last chapter and then she'd go back through the novel and plant clues...
btw freaky story...
Charles, from summer warm to Halloween chill. I will never stop to help a dog again! ;)
I loved your contest entry. But this is a wicked, effective revision. Love the title, too.
Erik, good!
Barrie, yes, this one hurts, I think.
Mark, depends on how messed up it is.
Bernardl, and so you see that Lana is right. I'm a sick bastard.
Shadowfalcon, I didn't know that but I can imagine doing that myself.
Sarah, thanks. I really have the urge often times to write very different stories. Sometimes I like sentimental, sometimes gory, sometimes straight reportage.
Awww, sick, I love it, Charles!!
:-D
Oh, that is scary.
Backdrop of evil and danger, no matter what you do.
Wow.
Man, you should write books or somethin'.
The Best one yet! I wanted more.
Demon hunter, glad you thought it was sick. perfect.
Ivan, glad you enjoyed.
Heff, as long as it doesn't interfere with beer drinking I might give it a try.
David Cranmer, thanks David. I appreciate the kind words. So glad you are enjoying them.
You would have so enjoyed the lectures of one of my teachers, a wise Jesuit called Fr Victor Tucker.
He taught us so much about construction of stories - and I still use those principles in my novels.
Fr Tucker was one of the many teachers I thanked in the acknowledgement section of my first novel.
XI is up :O lol
David, I'm always interested in folks' take on writing. I've learned a lot of things from unusual places.
Laughingwolf, cool, I'll link it to my current post and then add it to the next one as well.
oh gosh! this reminded me at first of that other, more lovely story you had at Jason's contest. I think you won with that one. But then this story went horribly wrong! How creepy and unexpected! I crown you Flash Fiction Horror King!
Ello, this actually had the exact same beginning as that other story. I just altered the ending.
Ah, that's more like it! I LOVE it!
Thanks for offering to put a link to my story on your blog. I'm very honoured. :-)
"And in other news, recent adoptions of puppies at local shelters have dropped significantly..."
Vesper, it's linked on my post for today.
Avery, next I take on kittens.
LOL @ Lana
"No moon.
A sky flecked like mica with stars."
LOVED that opening :D
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