A SEASON OF LOSS

You see a lot of retrospectus posts these days on the blogs. It’s natural and I rather enjoy them. Usually I like to do one myself, and I guess this is such a post, but this year it’s a little harder. There are things I don’t want to look back on, losses that I’ve had a hard time dealing with.

In March my mom died, after a really tough few months of illness, hospitalization, and pain. While attending her funeral I came down with the flu and it lingered for well over a week. Physical exhaustion. Mental exhaustion. I had them both. It’s still hard to believe I’ll never speak to her alive again.

Then came more loss. In July, my brother-in-law, Roger, died. He had several pretty bad weeks with brain cancer before he passed. I wasn’t there for it, although the family kept me informed of what was happening. And then came the third loss. In November, my stepfather, Ray, passed. He didn’t suffer as long as mom or Roger. And in such times you find yourself thankful for small favors.

Such things do not make for a good year. For anyone. And they linger; they ache. Like an arthritic limb. But the year was certainly not all about loss. It wasn’t primarily about loss. I have Lana and Josh. Their love is wonderful. I have a job I enjoy and not a lot of money worries. I live in a great house with trees on three sides and a yard full of birds and other critters. I ate well in 2010. I bought and read many good books, often by friends.

My writing did not go as well as I’d hoped. Certainly I didn’t get much new work done. I started two novels and both came to screeching halts. However, I did complete some projects that were close to my heart. I self-published Killing Trail and am rather proud of it, although sales have been modest. I also completed two collections of my short stories for Borgo Press. One was a collection of vampire fiction, Midnight in Rosary, and the other horror, In the Language of Scorpions. “Midnight” has been turned in but Borgo is setting up ebook versions of older books so new publications are on the back burner. I’m hoping 2011 will see both books in print.

In the end, I cannot be sad to see 2010 go. It will not be remembered with joy, as I remember 2007 for my marriage to Lana, for how we settled into our current woodsy home, and for the publication of the Talera novels. I know I’m looking forward to 2011; I’m hoping for better things. But 2010 did remind me of what is important in life. It reminded me that love and family are the reasons why I’m here. I can live with that.
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