Monday, August 26, 2013

SCORN #1

Behind the bright sky and sun, I see a tattered velvet darkness that no one else sees. It hangs like a shroud, with diamond dust glittering at its trailing edges. The darkness does not lie empty. Sometimes there are eyes. They are hollow as gun barrels, though down them I think I glimpse the shine of jacketed slugs that point at me. I wonder if one of those bullets has my true name scripted upon it. Perhaps they all do.

22 comments:

Cloudia said...

"they are hollow as gun barrels, though down them I think I glimpse "
Finished with this line, Charles?


ALOHA, Friend
from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
=^..^=


Ty Johnston said...

Very nice.

Randy Johnson said...

Good stuff.

X. Dell said...

Excellent writing, per usual, Charles. But when reading this paragraph, the word 'schizophrenia' enters my head, for some reason.

I guess that's one of the most endearing characteristics of fiction. It isn't real.

It brings to mind a post you did some years ago about character dialogue. Can't recall it verbatim, but the gist of it was that good dialogue wasn't necessarily real, but instead realistic.

The paragraph here is something that I can see as realistic, but not as real. If I did, I would have series mental issues, huh.

How I envy you headed into the next new semester. Have a fun one.

As for the previous post, I was wondering what evolutionary insights might yield in terms of how mankind forms in-groups and otherness.

laughingwolf said...

one never knows...

Charles Gramlich said...

Cloudia, did the rest of the line not show up for you? there is more to it.

Ty, thanks, man.

Randy, I appreciate that.

X. Dell, schizophrenic is probably a good way to describe it. I think the images are primarily depressive in nature. The opening sentences came to me as I was driving across the Causeway bridge and seeing the clouds in the distance build up.
In regards to your question about the previous post, I think our brain has definitely evolved to 'believe' certain things and to act on them quickly. for day to day survival in primitive conditions, emotions are certainly more important than intellect. Intellect is a late comer on the scene.

Prashant C. Trikannad said...

Nicely written, Charles. Rather surreal. I can picture the scene in a western fantasy.

Vesper said...

Hmmm, makes one wonder... :-)
Great writing about great mysteries...

Erik Donald France said...

I dig it.

The road in and the road back are scary when you really *see.*

Riot Kitty said...

More!

the walking man said...

Love it.

And if they all do...*shrug* it just means they are coming to take you to your place among them.

Charles Gramlich said...

Prashant, I don't know if it will ever spin off into something bigger but it came to me and that's good enough for now.

Vesper, the world is quite a strange place.

Erik, there is something beyond the surface world for sure.

Riot Kitty, thankee! I actually do have a couple of more in this series that I'll do.

Mark, It is good to have a place to belong.

Richard Prosch said...

The tattered darkness full of diamonds made me think of outer space, which indeed lies behind the blue sky and sunshine. So for me, the eyes and gun barrels and slugs evoke H.G. Wells: "No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own..."

Charles Gramlich said...

Richard, I wasn't thinking consciously of War of the Worlds but that book is certainly often in my mind so I wouldn't doubt there is an influence there. I love that passage from Wells

sage said...

suspense created with a few short sentences--good writing!

Charles Gramlich said...

Sage, thanks, man.

Cloudia said...

Yes, it came through. Just interested in the structure of that part......no biggie. You know I enjoy following your imagination......

Charles Gramlich said...

Cloudia, all these things get reworked eventually anyway.

Travis Cody said...

Very evocative. Your prose is often poetic.

Bernard Lee DeLeo said...

Oh yeah.

jodi said...

Charles-eyes in the dark scare me less than guns and/or schizophrenia!

Charles Gramlich said...

Travis Cody, I really like beautiful prose. I strive to write it but don't always succeed.

Bernard, thankee!

Jodi, If I weren't so sane I'd wonder about myself at times. :)