I like my colleagues. We work hard and I think we do a lot of good things for our students, but we also have fun. When I was chair back many years ago now, I used to send out the occasional “executive order” addressed to the “Workers” of the Psychology Department. These might require things like posting a photograph of me on all walls, or the requirement that all members of the Department purchase a motorcycle for transportation, or 100 other things. I often referred to my small red book of The Sayings of Chairman Gramlich. There were lots of German jokes, in keeping with my name.
Recently, our current chair, Elliott Hammer, was going to be out of commission on a couple of Fridays, leaving my friend, Lisa Schulte as acting chair one Friday, and me as acting chair the next. Lisa and I got together and decided that she would issue an executive order that I would then rescind as soon as I took “command.”
Lisa’s Executive order read something like this:
From the Office of Dr. Schulte-Gipson:
Day 1 of the New Departmental Order
To all workers of the Department of Psychology
Executive Order #1718A
"Henceforth and in perpetuity, all eggs used for any purpose, such as cooking, shall be cracked only at the small end of the egg."
My executive order won’t go out until next week but will read:
From the Bunker of Dr. Charles Gramlich
Day 1 of the New New Departmental Order
To all remaining workers of the Department of Psychology, henceforth to be known as Department Q
Executive Order 78483838027817304721639964151
Part A: All previous executive orders issued by the previous chair in exile, whose name shall not be mentioned here, are rescinded.
Part B: Henceforth and in perpetuity, all eggs used for any purpose, such as cooking, shall be cracked only at the large end.
I don't know about you, but I got a laugh out of it.