Friday, December 05, 2008

Equal Time for Weird Men

I did a post about women being weird, so it only seems fair that I’d expose some of the odder tendencies of my own gender. Of course, not all men will show these things, but many will have to sheepishly, or not, admit to being characterized.

Without further ado, here are five weirdities about men. Feel free to agree or disagree. But remember, it’s a man telling you these things.

1. Why don’t men like to cuddle more? I do enjoy it, but try as I might, a few minutes of cuddling go a long way. I think, for me, it’s because I have a very hard time doing…nothing. I know it’s not nothing, but it seems like nothing to me. Stillness is a tough thing.

2. I’ve wondered why many women like to watch movies that make them cry. Well, I have to wonder why men like to do things that “hurt.” I once stepped out into our back yard to see my 12 year old son punching his best friend in the shoulder as hard as he could. I leaped to stop him, only to be told that they were “taking turns” busting each other on the arm to see who could take it best. I shook my head, told them I didn’t want to see anyone bawling on my watch, and went back inside. Of course, I have to admit that a main attraction of football was being able to hit someone as hard as I could and not get punished for it. I still love it when I see a football player get “jacked up.” But don’t get me started on Jackass and it’s brother shows.

3. Why don’t more men love to read? Of course, I’m talking to a biased sample of men here on the blog, most of whom seem to enjoy reading. But I know a lot of other men who hardly ever read. Why in the world not?

4. Why are men typically less religious than women, but when they are religious why are they often more fanatical about it than women? It’s men who tend to run things like the Taliban or the Inquisition, for example.

5. Why is it that you’re better off falling asleep, or passing out, around female friends rather than male friends? I believe, although correct me if I’m wrong, that when a young woman passes out among her peers she is quite likely to have a pillow put under her head and a blanket over her feet. At worst she might have a mildly embarrassing picture taken of her in such a state. But when young men pass out among their male friends, they are likely to wake up with shaving cream all over them, or with a bra tied over their head and a plastic sex toy in their hands. And when photos are taken by their “friends,” it quite likely involves someone’s butt (or other anatomical features) next to their face.

If anyone has the answers to these items, I'd like to know.


Heff said...

Great Post and mostly true, but I'd LOVE to get you started on "Jackass", lol !

Aine said...

Ha! Great list. I hadn't thought of #4 before. So true!

David Cranmer said...

I have no answers and agree with every point. Though, I have more experience cuddling than falling asleep or passing out in front of friends. A sign I am boring for sure.

Chris Eldin said...

they were “taking turns” busting each other on the arm to see who could take it best.

That explains my two sons in a nutshell. Oh, you testosterone types are strange. I'll stick with my estrogen friends.

Travis Erwin said...

Great observations. You are dead on I think.

Donnetta said...

Good points, Charles! I don't know. Men are just different. My hubby is not a good cuddler either. I think for the same reason-boredom. And I'm getting too old to spice it up these days! But--in our dreams, we women have many cuddle buddies. A girl can dream, can't she?? D

L.A. Mitchell said...

So true, Charles. All of these.

#5 because men are pack animals trying to show dominance and women are nurturers, although the world would be boring without those pictures :)

Sidney said...

I've often wondered about the reading question, being one of the exceptions in the gender. There were a lot of guys who liked to read in junior high. Not sure what happened or happens as time marches on.

Lana Gramlich said...

I think Chris said it best. It's a testosterone thing. I have to shake my head at the double standard, too. Women are sometimes derided for being hormonal; being emotionally unstable (or appearing to be so,) being weepy, etc. Does anyone EVER accuse a man of being "hormonal" when he gets loud, domineering &/or violent? I think not...

RichardS said...

Interesting points, Charles.

As regards the reading point; I can't think of any of my male friends who read. And I don't mean they don't read regularly, I mean they don't read, full stop.

They all think I'm a little odd.

BernardL said...

Very entertaining list, Charles. I have no comment. :)

G. B. Miller said...


Good post. Can't disagree with any of the points.

Charles Gramlich said...

Heff, I don't think I'll ever understand why guys would do such things as let a scorpion sting them right on the ass. Too weird for me.

Aine, yeah, it's kinda weird. I grew up around families where mostly the women were the ones who got everyone off to church. But sometimes men get carried far away.

David Cranmer, I made a point growing up to "never" pass out around my friends.

Chris Eldin, well, I still understand men better than women I must admit.

Travis Erwin, I think men can be more fanatical than women about a lot of things, actually.

Donetta Lee, I always feel like I have to get up and get stuff done, but I'd like to feel more comfortable lazing around cuddled up with Lana. It's best in cold weather.

L. A., I think the nurturing sense has something to do with it for sure.

Sidney, I had two male friends in high school who read quite a bit. I know one still reads some but not as much. Don't know about the other.

Lana, testosterone definitely has some emotional effects.

Richards, and that's just bizarre to me. I couldn't live without reading, I think. Thanks for stopping by.

Bernardl, probably the wisest choice, my friend.

Georgie B, yeah, it's pretty weird.

laughingwolf said...

a highly tactile kinda guy, i can cuddle for hours... neither my son nor my brother-in-law read much in the way of books, but both read magazines... and i never fall asleep
around peers, drunk or otherwise

as for the rest, yeah... good Qs

Scott said...

Charles, good questions.

1) I don't mind cuddling...I just prefer the ,uh, other stuff more.
2) I have no answer for this. I have, in the past, hit /broken objects over my head, wrestled with my brother for fun until he ended up going to the ER , twice- and we weren't even angry with each other, I've put matches out on my hand, punched and been punched by friends for fun,and tested knife edges on my own skin to check for sharpness. I don't do this sort of thing as often as I did when I was younger, but there you have it.
3) I've always read, but I've known guys and gals who hate reading. I never got that.
4) No clue about this one. I have seen plenty of fanatic religious folks who are female, but the guys do tend to go overboard with it.
5) I had a roomate in college who would guzzle our booze (that he didn't contibute to financially), then pass out early because he was a lightweight. Once he woke up with an empty milk jug tied to his shoelaces, and walked home with it, and once I duct taped him to the floor after he passed out at a freind's house. I never passed out first, and was usually the last one to crash for the night...and I'm a light sleeper. Survival of the fittest.

Scott said...

Oh an addendum to 2): I also leaped halfway down a flight of stairs to land on a pile of metal folding chairs.On purpose. Yes, I was drinking. I should probably quit while I'm behind here.

Miles McClagan said...

I read loads of things, but the one thing my girlfriend never got was my fascination for things that you might call "old school"...she couldn't work out why with improved technology I clung to my old mobile phone and ATARI games...and to be honest, dunno, just do!

Travis Cody said...

Item #2 brought to mind the time I put a textbook hit on a QB. You remember how it goes, right?

10 yard run to get up to speed from the QB's blind side, no blocker in the way, lowered shoulder, SLAM in the back, wrap up the arms, drive with the legs, and put the guy into the ground.

He goes, "WUMPH". Twice. Once when I hit him, and again when he hits the ground.


Steve Malley said...

I firmly believe that were it not for the gentle and civilizing influence of the Fair Gender, we fellahs would be sitting naked in trees throwing our excrement at each other.

And laughing.

MarmiteToasty said...

Having lived with brothers and growing up and now with my 4 man/boys all you say is true LOL......

Dam, Ive lived with males ways to long.... no wonder I dont do pink....

Great list :)


the walking man said...

"No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation."

Not only will I take the fifth...I will offer it as well.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Hmmm... here I thought this was normal behavior. I'll have to look into my past actions. Not that I ever fell asleep around any dudes or anything.

Anndi said...

I would correct you on that last one, but girl code prevents me from saying anything.

Charles Gramlich said...

Laughingwolf, I do see more men who read magazines and such rather than books. Hunting magazines, sport magazines, gun magazines etc. I should qualify my statement.

Scott, my god man, you're the living embodiment of my post. But I have always made sure to crash later, or to crash behind a locked door or some other form of protection

MIles, I'm like that too. I finally got a new cell phone after keeping the other one for almost 10 years.

Travis, ahh, good times. Good Times. I remember those kind of hits too.

Steve Malley, I've said something pretty similar to Lana, that if there were only women in the human race we'd be living in a neat and tidy town with curtains on the windows. But we'd still be living in the same valley where we evolved. If only men were in the human race, we'd be living all over the world but would still be in caves wearing skins. I didn't think of the excrement part.

Marmite toasty, these days I'm more surrounded by women than men, but I'm pretty set in my ways by now.

Mark, you've convinced me. I'll have a swig from the fifth, though. Don't bogart that fifth, man.

J.R., imagine falling asleep around your prisoner students? no, you're better off not imagining that.

Anndi, ah, perhaps I have underestimated the nastiness of the ladies? Is that what you are hinting at to me?

pattinase (abbott) said...

I don't like to cuddle. Don't like to cry. I do like to read but no more than my husband. I forget #4. And I write from the male POV a lot. So maybe I'm part man.

Lisa said...

I think Patti and I have a lot in common, but that doesn't negate the validity of your insights about men. There are always exceptions, but I think in general, you're on target. I'd add one last mystery to your list about men. Why is it that most men seem to be pretty content eating the same foods over and over and over again? I've known so many who could literally eat the same sandwich for lunch and the same meal for dinner or order the same menu item from a restaurant menu and never get bored. It's not that they won't eat other things, it's just that they don't mind eating the same things repeatedly. Has anyone else ever noticed that?

ivan said...

Well, T.E. Lawrence was indeed an exotc sort of man.

Lawrence of Arabia would often burn himself with an open flame just to test his will or something.

But then he also kind of liked the swish of his cloak, his keffyeh and ,kushtir> on his head, in true Beduin fashion.
He loved to dance in the wind.

Ah well. To each his own.

laughingwolf said...

yup, that's the kinda stuff they read

Merisi said...

Regarding the assertion that women like to cuddle more than men (1), I dare say it is a misconception to think that women expect of "cuddling" nothing but, in men's terms, "doing nothing" (and I am not talking about the obvious *g*). Reading, watching a movie, listening to music together may be accepted as a more active form of cuddling (and yes, each his or her own book, sure). :)

laughingwolf said...

fyi - anna-lys has shut down ops, was threatened with copyright infringement for posting some songs :(

and, she's super busy working on her doctorate

Stewart Sternberg (half of L.P. Styles) said...

The issue with men is the evolutionary process. Cuddling raises comfort level, comfort means we open ourselves up to being vulnerable to predators. Sitting on a couch, watching football, raises our testosterone levels and makes us ready to defend ourselves from threats. It's simple. I can't beleive you'd even ask these questions.

Cloudia said...

Very observant, Charles.
"Women are more likely to be religious, but religious men are more likely to be fanatical."
Women cook to live & nurture;
men become chefs! Hmmmmm....

Cloudia said...

"I like it too!" (Irish Spring Comercial)
Old technology is cool!
That is MY 1973 bike in todays post ;-> Aloha

Barbara Martin said...

Charles, a great list with equally superb answers.

Lisa, I like to eat the same thing over and over again. There's nothing to it. A change is nice once in awhile, but not necessary.
My brothers liked to eat the same thing over and over, too. I suppose that's where I learned it from, as they were older.

Charles Gramlich said...

Pattinase, I know there are plenty of exceptions to the rules, and I know plenty of women, and men, who don't fit the general stereotypes.

Lisa, that's a good one, and I'm a perfect example. I tend to eat the same foods every time I go to a particular restruant. Lana is much like that too, though.

Ivan, maybe it is a "will" thing, especially with young men.

Merisi, I use that argument with Lana all the time, that us spending time together is a form of cuddling. She doesn't quite agree.

Laughingwolf, sorry to hear about anna-lys. She's probably better off, anyway, considering the need to concentrate on her doctorate.

Stewart, why you explain it so simply. Of course, "I" knew this. But I was just waiting to see what others would come up with.

Cloudia, maybe there is something more competive within men. At least that's often the thinking.

Barbara Martin, yes, we've got quite a bit of discussion here.

Leon said...

While I won't confess to falling into any of these categories (after all I am a man), I can answer the why question: It's simply because we are. . . . . .men!!! Thanks CHARLES!

writtenwyrdd said...

Being in the Army was a very educational experience for all the guy stuff you mention. It's pretty different from how women operate, as you mention!

Barrie said... are an odd lot. But we love you anyway.:)

Rick said...

Hey, Charles. I've trained in martial arts for 35 years, broke most of the bones in my body, can't sit down or stand up without wincing, etc. When women ask me why I go through all this, I have to tell them it's because I love doing it. They look at me like I'm an alien.

Could that be the answer? Women are human and we are the intermarrying aliens?

Charles Gramlich said...

Leon, and that reason should be good enough for anyone. lol.

Writtenwyrd, I will always have to maintain that women are stranger than me, though. Although men give them a run in some cases.

Barrie, odd is in the eye of the beholder! ;)

Rick, one gender doesn't seem to fit, but which one is human and which one alien is probably up for debate.

Mary Witzl said...

That last item absolutely cracked me up!

I once went to climb Mt Fuji with a group of my Japanese colleagues. One of the guys fell asleep with his mouth open, and his friends all leapt to take the most compromising photographs you could imagine. All of the women tut-tutted and tried to stop them.

Some girls do weird things that hurt too. My sisters and I used to jump off a wall that we'd been warned was too high to jump from. It really hurt when we hit the ground; we called it 'being brave' and kept it up for quite a long time.

Michelle's Spell said...

Hey Charles,

This, as they say, is a profound mystery. I like men, by and large, but the whole taking pictures while you're sleeping deal is bizarre at best.

Shauna Roberts said...

Another weird thing about guys is that they can spend hours with a guy friend and not say anything meaningful. What's with that?

j said...

No answers. Just some giggles. #5 was a hoot.

Vesper said...

If you, Charles, a man, don't have an answer to these question, how are women supposed to have one? :-)
Our brains are wired so differently...
I would really like to know the answer to No. 3. :-)

(And I don't like to watch movies that make me cry...)

Danette Haworth said...

Hah! The secret life of men . . . now I know!

Charles Gramlich said...

Mary Witzl, I've been curious about whether little girls like to do things that hurt, although it sounds like maybe not so much as young boys.

Michelle, I don't quite get it either, though at times I've pretended to in order to fit in. Such a coward I am.

Shauna, just judging from myself, sometimes it is a great relief not to have to talk, especially about something important.

Jennifer, yes, that picture thing is weird.

Vesper, sometimes I think I'm just alien to the human race in general. But then along comes football and beer and fast cars and I'm just like any other guy.

Danette, maybe I should write a book? Oh, I'd have to know the answers first.

Sarah Hina said...

I love this list, too. Luckily, my husband loves to read, though. :)

I struggle a little with #1, too, actually. I like cuddling, but I also need to keep busy! Stillness is definitely a challenge.