Then I discovered an offering called One-Eyed Monster. And I realized that western civilization is done, finished, kaput. Although I missed the first two-thirds of this cinema masterpiece, the premise is this: a group of porn stars, including Ron Jeremy, are up in the mountains filming a porno. An alien comes to earth and possesses Ron Jeremy’s penis. It tears its way off Ron’s body and proceeds to hunt down and “F” to death the other members of the cast and crew. Two individuals do survive, including the actress Amber Benson (although one has to wonder whether her acting career will do the same). The survivors are saved by an aging porn star who sacrifices herself to the alien penis.
Less you think this movie was just an excuse to show porn, there was actually no porn at all. At least in the last third. Well, we did get to see a large plastic object that was supposed to be Ron Jeremy’s penis. Other than that, everyone was fully clothed and even the porn star’s sacrifice at the end involved no more than some suggestive moaning.
Will the world still be here when I wake up in the morning? I suppose we’ll see.
In the meantime, I’ll also leave you with the following image, from a different movie. I have no idea if it's real or not, but it probably should be. Given the existence of One-Eyed Monster, nothing is too out there to be real.
One Eyed Monster turned up on IMDB.com but no sign of Nunslinger so I doubt it exists-Oh yeah-no Carmilla Sterling either. Furthering my doubt to its actual existence-not to say its not possibly a better film than O.E.M.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how much money a flick like this makes? Probably quite a bit in DVD sales.
ReplyDeleteJust because I had to see for myself
ReplyDeleteNunslinger on the other hand must have been so low budget there is no website for it.
Yes it is a different world out there but the night watcher got it covered,
DAVID I looked for 10 minutes for revenues on OEM couldn't come up with a thing.
Sounds just goofy enough to become one of those cult classics. Don't think I'd be much interested though.
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought I was going to read about the Saints winning the Superbowl; instead, based on your review, I'll have to go and delete a film from my Netflix queue. (yeah, right)
ReplyDeleteDon't know anything about the movies or the actors you mentioned but reminded me one time in Germany, the family sat in the living room of the rented vacation house, watching tv and we flipped the "wrong" channel and everything was suddenly there.
ReplyDelete"Nunslinger"?
ReplyDeleteIf it isn't a novel/movie, it should be.
Ummm... yah.
ReplyDeleteha, ha, anything goes!
ReplyDeleteWow, I don't guess that will be on Netflix watch instantly. I'll have to wait for it to show up on local TV.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was funny till I got to the Amber Benson passage, AAAAgh! She was lovely in Buffy, but I have seen her in some other costume drama that was quite a stinker. I guess we can't all be Seth Green.
ReplyDeleteDavid J. West, I’m rather surprised someone hasn’t made Nunslinger. It cries out for the big budget treatment.
ReplyDeleteDavid Cranmer, and with overseas distribution it could make a bunch.
Mark, Nunslinger may not be a real film. It might have been one of those fake ads, like you see for Doc Savage sometimes.
Randy Johnson, there should at least be a comic called Nunslinger.
sage, well, I did get quite a few laughs from OEM.
Ocean Girl, Amber Benson was on the show Buffy the Vampire slayer and I thought she had a good career before her. Guess, we’ll see.
Bernita, or a graphic novel maybe!
G, amazing what you can get up to late on a Saturday night watching TV
Cinnamon, so it would seem!
Sidney, I’m not sure whether they’ll ever run it on regular TV. Maybe on the movie channels.
ArtSparker, yeah, I liked her. Sorry to see her in this.
!!!!!!
ReplyDelete!!!!!!
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LOL! Good review.
ReplyDeleteAnd because life is good and in this post-modern age everything is self-referential, when you look up "Nunslinger" now you get ...
ReplyDeleteRazored Zen!
Charles, I'm afraid you are going to have to write this one!
I'm with you and Bernita-- if Nunslinger doesn't exist, it should!
ReplyDelete(Oh dear god, I just got an idea...)
Oh my goodness,Charles. What a movie! I did see a movie once about the Cream of Wheat Man. Now that was interesting. D
ReplyDeleteToo bizarre. Another sign of the Apocalypse is the Cowboys facing off against the Vikings. Must. Be. Stopped.
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, this movie sounds sort of like another low budget "science fiction," the cult flick Liquid Sky. Now as for Nunlsinger . . . Good God!
Natasha Fondren, Pretty much says it all.
ReplyDeleteBernardL, what a strange, strange movie.
Don, oh man don't tempt me. I've already got ideas.
Steve Malley, a wonderfully awful idea? cool.
Donnetta Lee, the cream of wheat man. I'm afraid I missed that piece of genius. Perhaps it's for the best.
Erik Donald France, I'm still thinking Saints in the Super bowl. Yeah, Nunslinger. Wow.
Since we woke up this morning, perhaps it was a sign of the START of the Apocalypse. <:\
ReplyDeleteCharles,
ReplyDeleteI saw ads for this flick a while back, but I haven't seen it. Sounds like I wont, either. Thanks for the warning!
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. My first impulse was to scoff.
ReplyDelete"Magic Penis up my..."
Whoaa!
ROFLMAO! Okay, I've got to watch One Eyed Monster some time, just for the lulz. :D
ReplyDeleteYou really have to wonder how stuff like that gets made. I mean, I could see if it were actually a porn movie -- that industry runs on cheese, after all -- but a kinda-sorta mainstream flick...? [blinkblink]
Angie
Lana Gramlich, yes, the end is near. At least I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteScott, egads. They advertised for it? Geeze.
ivan, well, the aliens have been getting a steady diet of our porn for a long time now.
Angie, I know. Maybe there was a porn version made. I don't know.
LOL! Sounds like a Troma film! I particularly loved three B movies: "Jesus Christ, Vampire Slayer," "Sergeant Kabukiman" (a Troma film), and "Cannibal,the Musical," which was hysterical and done by the guys who later came up with South Park.
ReplyDeleteThat is very scary. Because obviously several people thought the OEM would actually do well. :(
ReplyDeleteWrittenwyrd, I almost forgot about the Troma films. I do remember a couple of these about the guy who fell into radioactive waste wearing a tutu.
ReplyDeleteBarrie, maybe you can go wrong underestimating the tastes of the public.
Charles, I have a (true) Ron Jeremy story! I will blog about it sometime....
ReplyDeleteOne can only imagine what the first two-thirds of this masterpiece must have been like. Maybe the alien had been watching it from afar, and was making an editorial comment.
ReplyDeleteI don't doubt it for a minute, especially since I used to watch stuff like that in my younger days.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I go away for a week or so to write and I come back to see you've written about aliens and porn stars. Maybe I'd better visit more often!
ReplyDeleteYou said it, Charles
ReplyDeletejodi, now that I want to hear.
ReplyDeleteJo, a reference was made to the fact that the alien had been paying attention to all the porn that humans have broadcast into space over the years so probably so.
G, I've watched a few real winners in my day. Dark Star comes to mind. Night of the Lepus, about giant rabbits. There are a few of them.
Rick, aliens and porn stars. Kind of a natural fit, wouldn't you think?
Cloudia, indeed.
Hey Charles,
ReplyDeleteI did not think I would ever see the word Nun and Ron Jeremy in the same post -- the world may be coming to an end! God, that plot of the Ron Jeremy movie must have been cooked up while the writers were enjoying a sweet little dinner of champagne and smoking Thai stick. Seriously. I laughed out loud when I read it!
Michelle, yes, I may have just cursed myself putting nun and Ron in the same post. I didn't even think about that. I think I need to do some penance. at least three hail Mary's and three Our Fathers.
ReplyDeleteGreg, indeed!
I had a very similar conversation with my coworkers recently after having had the same experience as you have been through. I assume you have DirecTV as I do. Up late at night, not feeling well, and taking advantage of commercial free content I stumbled upon "One Eyed Monster". I, too, only saw a portion of the film. If you want to chuckle go to the movie's website. We are still here, of course, but I think it is fair to ask ourselves for how long.
ReplyDeleteI will NEVER understand how some movies get made. You'd think the person suggesting them would be laughed off the lot. What idiot sat there and said, "Wow, that sounds like a great idea!"
ReplyDeleteChris Gruber, Idle hands (with a clicker) are the Devil's playground. :)
ReplyDeleteCandy, I suspect there may have been drugs involved.
can someone write: NUTSLINGER?
ReplyDeletejust a thought... :O lol
Laughingwolf, given the existence of one-eyed monster I wouldn't be surprised to find nutslinger already in the coffers. If not, you should copyright it immediately.
ReplyDeletewill look into it, charles :O lol
ReplyDelete